Hi to all here,
Been lurking a while and really enjoy all of the discussions. First post so here goes! Have just started working with a 10 year old diagnosed with " opposite deficient disorder" (think we all have a touch of that!) in school. Basically anything a teacher wants to do he won't do, has very low confidence, hard background etc. He now thinks he is "slow" due to the fact he is coming to me for one to one help. Obviously I have discussed with him that he is not etc.
I have set up my room with lots of positive anchors,found out what he enjoys and work with this to motivate him and build confidence, build rapport etc. However some days he says he enjoys nothing and will shout around the room. I would like to do "circle of excellence", belief change exercises, breaking anchors etc. but at the moment he will only do what he wants to do and I am taking it quite slowly with him. I am using language patterns to help him ("you can do this now or later" etc.) but think I need to learn alot more and very quickly, as if I try to do an exercise he is very suspicious and just won't take part in it.
Has anyone here dealt with a child like this in school?. Any language patterns you used to break negative anchors and beliefs without being noticed?. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!

Hi Niamh,

Can I ask, have you tried a metaphor/storytelling approach with this 10 year old ? " Opposite deficient disorder" is a new one on me by the way.

MH

I have and am using storytelling. It's a good one!.

Hi again

nikki 97 wrote:

I have and am using storytelling. It's a good one!.

That was going to be my suggestion. Can you tell us any more about this new disorder he has ? Who came up with this label for him and (other than yourself) what the person who came up with this diagnosis would see as the best way forward in terms of treatment. Are they going to try to medicate him for example ?

I am not advocating that by the way, just curious.

There is some interesting stuff in NLPC archives about polarity/paradox responding, here for example, and elsewhere,

When is a Polarity Responder Not a Polarity Responder?

Regards

MH

malcombhead wrote:

Opposite deficient disorder" is a new one on me by the way.

It's "Oppositional Defiant Disorder," a relatively new label for the normal and healthy ten-year-old Identified Patient who is trying to draw attention to an unhealthy family system.

It bothers me a great deal that someone who can't get the label right, and who is also calling the kid a "polarity responder" (which he isn't), is working with them.

Hi Michael,

Michael_DeBusk wrote:

It's "Oppositional Defiant Disorder," a relatively new label for the normal and healthy ten-year-old Identified Patient who is trying to draw attention to an unhealthy family system.

It bothers me a great deal that someone who can't get the label right, and who is also calling the kid a "polarity responder" (which he isn't), is working with them.

Thanks for the clarification. What you said made a lot more sense. I hope Niamh will also read it and consider what you say and reference it perhaps to the remark in her OP and this lad's family when she said,

.....has very low confidence, hard background etc.....

MH

malcombhead wrote:

Thanks for the clarification. What you said made a lot more sense.

I've interacted with many, many "oppositional-defiant" kids in my time. Not a single one has opposed or defied me. In fact, the transformation of their behavior after their parents leave the room is almost magical.

Niamh: since you're working with the child, my advice to you is to give him nothing to oppose, nothing to defy. Lean heavily on the Milton Model and, as Malcomb offered, storytelling. Chances are excellent that the reason he's giving crap to the authority figures in his life is because that's what they elicit. If you treat him like a patient, he'll class you with them.

He's not a polarity responder. He won't act that way with people he trusts. You're an authority, but if you refuse the "Because I'm the mommy, that's why!" approach, you'll be different, and he'll be curious.

Be careful what you say you'll do, because if you say you'll do it, you're bound. He'll notice anything resembling hypocrisy and write you off.

Treat him, in every way possible, like a peer, an equal. Respectful without deference. Never "you're just a kid," but "there's an experience you haven't had yet; here's what I learned when I went through it" or your own equivalent.

Thanks for the replies. I have told the teacher (who translated the psychologist's report), that they were incorrect in the labelling of the disorder. They were delighted to know the term and will be able to translate it correctly in future. Thanks again.

Never mind the label! Good luck further implementing your skills and incorporating the great advice in this thread.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder="I can't get him to do what I want!"

What does he want?

Then help him to get it.

Greg