Hi

I ve read several books about seduction, the main point is to become social, funny and self confident leader. On the other hand success in life and business is similar, you need to sell yourself.
But what if I am natural introvert? Can I become good at creating rapport and seducing ? Is it possible to boost more extroverted behavior if I want ?
Is good NLP modelling for this case? How to do it ? Thanks

Hi Michal

You called yourself an introvert but if you think about it, that's only a label describing a certain aspect of someone's behaviour. I believe there's a lot more to you than that!

Rapport starts from within - realise you are a skilled learning machine for all experience, and less-than-ideal outcomes are simply part of that learning. Allow that self-affirming energy to flow.

Start building your own comfort in talking to strangers about nothing particularly important - maybe a simple compliment or remark on the weather to a checkout person with no intention of taking it any further.

Then practice getting into rapport with people. When talking with people, try directing your attention wholely to them - really listen to what they're saying and how they're saying it without 'internally-referencing', and respond honestly and without agenda. The more you do this, the more your intuitions about interacting with people will improve.

People give off 'vibes' relating to their own experience in a situation, and if you're comfortable with yourself and attentive to others, you become an attractive person to be around.


If you want a sample of modelling, you could try this:

First, change your state -
stand up, take some deep breaths and clear your mind

Think of someone you would love to be more like and imagine
the way they carry themselves and the way they interact with others

Imagine yourself floating into them and notice how different
you feel - you might find your posture becoming more purposeful
or your attitudes and priorities changing focus

Think about a time in the future when it would be useful
to be able to feel like this - how would he / how will you behave?

Then ask yourself - wouldn't it be useful to know that
you can feel like this whenever you need from now on?

Ben

Michal,

If you look closely at what you ask, you should notice something strange about it. If you are a natural introvert - meaning I suppose that you actually want to spend time by yourself - then it seems strange for you to be asking about seduction and rapport. Why would you want those things if you are an introvert?

Ben is right that introvert and extrovert are not necessarily helpful labels or nominalizations. By accepting the label of "introvert," you are basically giving yourself a reason for not doing the things you are interested in doing, eg, talking to women. This sounds more about your fear of rejection - and not that you are a true natural introvert, whatever that means.

I think a good way to start is to acknowledge what you are really feeling and not indulging in labels that make temporary emotional states (like fear) into permanent identities. You can move on to strategies that help you overcome your fears, learning to embrace the things you want.

Dasein

Hi

my behavior is calm , not outgoing and quiet. And this characteristics dont attract woman like socialy self confident person (if you are not partivular good looking). And in success its the same , if you are too quiet and dont able to sell yourself , people dont know about you , and you cant succeed. (unless you want to be researcher or writer , but Its not my case...)
So if you want to be successful or you want to attract beatiful woman, you have to have characteristics (or just adopt) that attracts her, like successful people have and not just waiting for a myracle that never will come....therefore Id like to know whether it is possible to adopt more extraverted charosmatic behavior from modelling successful person ...

I was out the other day with some friends and one of the women was telling us how she'd had enough of manic men and actually needed someone with a calm character to balance her hectic life.

My friend advised her to be the best of who you are as she would more likely attract people to compliment how she wonderfully is.

best wishes.

Michal,

I am guessing you want to change the way you currently are or the way you do certiain things hence the reason you are reading up on these products? The fact that you cannot or do not currently seduce or sell yourself means that a new pattern of behaviour is needed so yes to use the advice you have read about means you need to change, whether you value the advice is a totally different question. Please retain a difference between a seductive person and using seduction products, they are as different as learning how to cook a wonderful meal and learning how to order at a McDonalds counter. For most guys who have not eaten for a while they will jump at the chance for a MuckDonalds, personally I'd aim a little higher.

I have a friend who finishes most conversations with "I'd love to but..." and then tries to justfy that doing nothing is the best way forward in pretty much every situation.

Personally I think the mainstream seduction products are a disgrace and a pathway to insecurity and long term frustration (find me a SS user who does not reak of insecurity(just watch the over emotional and aggressive response to this post to prove my point)) but they will help you get girls in your bed (whilst the girls are thinking you are insecure and an easy lay). If you are happy with who you are then identify what elements of your life (if any) you want to change and then get on with making those positive steps. If you dont want to follow the advice you have had then at least you are blessed with choices which is more that before.

You dont need to sell yourself if your qualities speak for themselves but if nobody sees your qualities then a little tactical salesmanship wouldnt be a bad thing, would it?

Thanks

Matt

Hi Matt,

thanks for respond.

I am not sure what you wanted to tell me (my mother languege isnt english), what will help me to get girls in bed ? Speed seduction ? Or to be not insecure while chatting with girl ?

And the main question . If I am quiet and calm , is it possible to be more talkative and self confident with modeling another person (for some minutes for example) ? Although my true behavior will still calm and quiet, but can I boost this model if I want (like actor) ?

And how to do this ? Should I train it in mind in the beginning , I read to see model person , to spectate and to go into him and act like he ?And anchor this and activate it in real situation? thanx

what will help me to get girls in bed ?

is this your only ambition?

Its not bad to get girl in bed, but I would rather have relationship. On the other hand I want to show extravert pattern not only in success with woman , in business too.

Felix20000 wrote:

But what if I am natural introvert? Can I become good at creating rapport and seducing ? Is it possible to boost more extroverted behavior if I want ?

There is this persistent myth that "introvert" means "socially inept loner, scared shitless by groups". That is absolutely, positively not the case.

I'm an introvert, my social skills are fine, I only go without a sexual partner when I care to, and one of my roles at work is as an instructor of groups of people (and I get high marks for it), and I deal with the public all day long. I go home tired on some days, sure, but I don't want to change anything.

Zig Ziglar is an introvert. Does he seem socially inept, etc?

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRMogDrHnMQ"]Zig Ziglar video[/ame]

Check these books out, while you're at it:

• Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength by Laurie Helgoe Ph.D.: [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Power-Inner-Hidden-Strength/dp/1402211171/"]amazon link[/ame]
  
• The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D.: [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695/"]amazon link[/ame]

An Introvert is a person who gets energy from being alone and spends energy being with other people. They value their rich inner lives more highly than their interactions with others. (That is NOT to say they do not value interactions with others. To say that platinum is more valuable than gold is not to say that gold is worthless.) An extravert is the reverse.

If you want to learn social skills, go ahead. Introversion isn't stopping you.

Secondly, you wrote you are SS user, does it mean Speed seduction by Ross Jeffries?

Its not bad to get girl in bed, but I would rather have relationship. On the other hand I want to show extravert pattern not only in success with woman , in business too.

Now those are totally different things and the outcomes judged by totally different things.

Specifically, what do you want to achieve? How do you want to be?

If you want to sleep with women then it will be cheaper to use prostitutes. I am guessing you dont want to do that but I want to ask you, what it the difference between sleeping with women (prostitutes) and what you want to do?

As for the business element, what business are you in?

To Michael:

Interesting , I would never think that Zig Ziglar is introvert, but I think he must be light introvert (because fast speed of speech).

So can introverts to behave more outgoing if they want ? It seems to me very tough, can I learn it ? And my previous question , can I get the result with modeling?

And you wrote you dont have a partner. Why? Dont you want any?

Matt,

I want to be successful with women and not broken hearted as I was. It means, to seduce nice girl / girls that I would like to have. It maybe for 1 night or long years relationship, so to become attractive for women.

And business sale person. I want to do that , but I think have trouble with rapport...

Felix20000 wrote:

Interesting , I would never think that Zig Ziglar is introvert, but I think he must be light introvert (because fast speed of speech).

Speed of speech is not an indicator of introversion or extraversion. I tend to speak more slowly than most people would like, but when I get wound up I speak more rapidly than my mouth can handle.

So can introverts to behave more outgoing if they want ?

Absolutely. The only caveat is that we keep in mind that we need alone-time to recharge. It took me a while to learn that I don't have to apologize for that, too.

It seems to me very tough, can I learn it ?

Yes. You can even enjoy it. I know I often enjoy the trainings I lead.

And my previous question , can I get the result with modeling?

It's a modelable skill, sure. What do you want to know?

And you wrote you dont have a partner. Why? Dont you want any?

I do have a partner. She's a whole lotta partner, too. Textbook extravert, she is. We had to get used to one another.

I wrote that the only times I've ever been without a partner are those times that I've wanted to be. Though I'm not a student of Speed Seduction, and I'm not exactly physically attractive, I don't lack female companionship. I have the one thing that most every woman wants a guy to have and that most guys "on the prowl" seem to lack: the ability to listen and empathize.

thanks for reply.

But why showing enthusiasm around people seems hard to me ? Is it because I havent done it for long time ? Doesnt it mean that I am hardly introverted or something ?

Secondly , I have problem to behave friendly and to talk about personal life with unknown people , even simple questions like ask How are you is doing problem for me....

Can I change it ? Isnt it characteristic of hardly introverted person ?

And what is the best way to change it with modelling and only trying it and after some time it will be natural for me ?

Redsimo wrote:

Michal,

I am guessing you want to change the way you currently are or the way you do certiain things hence the reason you are reading up on these products? The fact that you cannot or do not currently seduce or sell yourself means that a new pattern of behaviour is needed so yes to use the advice you have read about means you need to change, whether you value the advice is a totally different question. Please retain a difference between a seductive person and using seduction products, they are as different as learning how to cook a wonderful meal and learning how to order at a McDonalds counter. For most guys who have not eaten for a while they will jump at the chance for a MuckDonalds, personally I'd aim a little higher.

I have a friend who finishes most conversations with "I'd love to but..." and then tries to justfy that doing nothing is the best way forward in pretty much every situation.

Personally I think the mainstream seduction products are a disgrace and a pathway to insecurity and long term frustration (find me a SS user who does not reak of insecurity(just watch the over emotional and aggressive response to this post to prove my point)) but they will help you get girls in your bed (whilst the girls are thinking you are insecure and an easy lay). If you are happy with who you are then identify what elements of your life (if any) you want to change and then get on with making those positive steps. If you dont want to follow the advice you have had then at least you are blessed with choices which is more that before.

You dont need to sell yourself if your qualities speak for themselves but if nobody sees your qualities then a little tactical salesmanship wouldnt be a bad thing, would it?

Thanks

Matt

Matt

re:"Personally I think the mainstream seduction products are a disgrace and a pathway to insecurity and long term frustration (find me a SS user who does not reak of insecurity(just watch the over emotional and aggressive response to this post to prove my point)) but they will help you get girls in your bed (whilst the girls are thinking you are insecure and an easy lay)"

you may have answered this before(in some other thread) yet exactly how many guys have you met that have attended SS?

Redsimo wrote:

Now those are totally different things and the outcomes judged by totally different things.

Specifically, what do you want to achieve? How do you want to be?

If you want to sleep with women then it will be cheaper to use prostitutes. I am guessing you dont want to do that but I want to ask you, what it the difference between sleeping with women (prostitutes) and what you want to do?

As for the business element, what business are you in?

Matt

you have got to be kidding

how is seducing a woman cheaper than paying a prostitute?

re:"Now those are totally different things and the outcomes judged by totally different things"

and what if a guy decides later to enter into an exclusive monogamous relationship with a lady he slept with, then how "different" is it?

just curious

According to my friends who were conscious enough on my stag do to find out, e50 is the going rate for a prostitute and taking this path comes with 100% effectiveness rating. How much is it to attend SS training? Now calculate the time invested to learn and follow SS moves as opposed to the other method and time taken in all the 'learning opportunities' our man can reflect on while watching late night TV alone.

Well done for taking an insignificant part of my post and making it into a big deal, it was designed to provoke our chap in to thinking along new lines and not an offer of an alternative lifestyle, sorry if you missed that.

and what if a guy decides later to enter into an exclusive monogamous relationship with a lady he slept with, then how "different" is it?

and that is a third outcome, again different from the other two. If that is his plan then maybe a totally different strategy is needed.

I find that when people see sex or money as a way to happiness quite often there are many other factors which are more desierable, the sex and money make up the dream but in reality they pay no part in whether a person has self esteem, self confidence or quality or personality which is often the goal that gets disguised as a quest for sex and money.

I didnt know this was the case for our friend here so I asked a few questions, you were picking up on the content of the questions and not the content of the conversation.

Thanks

Matt

I will repeat my previous question because after there are another posts :-)

To Michael :

thanks for reply.

But why showing enthusiasm around people seems hard to me ? Is it because I havent done it for long time ? Doesnt it cause that I am hardly introverted or something ?

Secondly , I have problem to behave friendly and to talk about personal life with unknown people or family , even simple questions like ask How are you is doing problem for me....

Can I change it ? Isnt it characteristic of hardly introverted person ?

And what is the best way to change it with modelling and only trying it and after some time it will be natural for me ?
Or some other advise ? thanks