I have a thread in the getting NLP advice section. I was not awair of the forum for relationships and seduction.

I really like the gals who want to "go slow". I have found that they are well worth the wait. I also like to go slow. Some girl (nomatter how hot she is) just stripping naked and spreading her legs for me is enough to get the job done, but I have no interest in attempting to secure a loving long term relationship with a girl like that. If she will do that with me, then what else is true ??

I met a nice girl on Tuesday. We spent all day together laughing and joking through a training course where I work.
The next day (wendsday) I wrote her some E-Mails after another female coworker in the class alerted me to the fact that this girl likes me. We exchanged several E-Mails that day, and I secured her phone number and a good time to call.
On Thursday, (yesterday) we had a good hour long conversation on the phone and she is indeed a nice girl. ...And she does indeed like me. I like her too.

My desired outcome is to maximize her attraction to me in order to continue learning more about her, while at the same time teaching her about my life.

I start all of this with the assumption that she meets all of my prerequisites for a long term relationship. If sonme character flaw comes into play at some later point, I will deal with that by either compromising myself or helping her to make a change.

While in my Basic NLP practitioners class, we do 'work' on eachother. We do various theraputic techniques on willing participants who have full knowlage and acceptance of what is being done for them. That is Therapy, and I have no problems with that.

I am not necessarily looking for any Speed Seduction Techniques in order to dupe this girl into the sack with me (even if it would be for her own benifit). What I am hoping for are some NLP oriented sugggestions that support my 'desired outcome".

I replied to this in the original thread without knowing this was here.
Here is a link to that original thread.

http://www.nlpconnections.com/ask-questions-get-advice/13221-i-met-nice-girl-now-what-do-i-do.html#post85586

FFRDave wrote:

...while at the same time teaching her about my life.

FFRDave wrote:

....she meets all of my prerequisites for a long term relationship.

FFRDave wrote:

If some character flaw comes into play at some later point...

FFRDave wrote:

... (even if it would be for her own benefit)

FFRDave wrote:

...that support my 'desired outcome".

John

No matter how great your successes or how low your defeats always remember that approximately 1 billion Chinese people couldn’t care less

Come on John, I wrote more than that.


What are you getting at John?

FFRDave wrote:

Come on John, I wrote more than that.

I know.

FFRDave wrote:

What are you getting at John?

You decide.

John

No, you...

Dave, I love your post here.

There is nothing more humbling to see than another bloke honestly laying his cards out on the table and taking any idea on board in order to make his dreams come true. There are other threads on this forum where people are asking for help about this and that but I don't see the passion behind their posts as I do with you.

It is a nice reminder that most of felt this way at some point and it is a nice reminder to think evaluate whether we are doing all that we can for our relationships- thanks for the nudge!

There are as many ways forward with this as there are people, there is no one way forward. Taking my advice and putting it into practice is just as wrong as taking SS'skills and putting them into practice on what sounds like one of gods finest creatures. I am not going to even try and give you any answers but I aim to poke and prod you and leave you with some sense of direction, this must come from within you.

I treat relationships with friends and partners like I treat a business partnership. Lets say you meet a business partner and start up a carpentry business. For almost every waking moment you are thinking about making the best cabinets and satisfying your customers needs, it is all about being the best person possible for your mutual goal. You are brainstorming to find the best way for all aspects of your professional relationship and regardless of how hard it is to achive these goals you plan strateies and plan to make them happen. For me the same applies to your personal relationships. Your job title is 'Giving Partner Perfect Life' and your job description is of your own making, it depends on your personality type, motivations and skills. If you do not like the way any of these are then make genuine steps to change them, dont learn cheesy lines to make you sound as if you are different, just work on being the person you want to be. Let her in on what changes you want to make in yourself, if she sees your passion like it comes through in this post then if she is as great as you describe her then she will thank you for it.

I am trying hard not to lead you into behaving out of character for you as ultimatly it is you that you want her to fall in love with. When I met my wife I wanted to make sure she noticed me and wanted to be with me so I made my aim in life to take the best parts of me and the best parts of her and from those two bits I made it my job description to make sure they resulted in a very desierable life for us both. The key here is that you are not changing her and not conning her by pretending to be someone else. The BEST of you and the BEST of her results in the best for both of you.

What does she like about you? Can you become any better at it?
What do you like about her? Help her to let it shine more often.
What does she need from you? Be the best that you can at providing it.
What does she want from you? Give her this and more!

None of this means you have to wait on her hand and foot. That is not giving her what she wants not being who you are. Look for the mutual gains and build your love from that.

Think about your relationship with you best mate. Your memories and your bonds are based on trust, honesty and being there for each other and it is these feelings that keep romantic relationships togeather also.

More importantly, it seems that whatever you are doing is working, I wouldnt be in too much of a rush to change things too soon if I were you!

If you find yourself a little lost for conversation, ask her if there is anything she has always wanted to do but as yet has never got around to it. Ask her why she would like to do it and what is stopping her. Share yours with her and maybe supporting each other to achive those goals would be a cool way to push on from telephone conversations to making your best bits and her best bits forming the best for both of you. Just an idea and while she is thinking about all the happiness that those activities will bring her she will have your voice whispering in her ear on the telephone while she experiences all the emotions associated with achieveing her dreams and being the person she wants to be.

Wishing you all the best of luck EVER!!

Matt

FFRDave wrote:

No, you...

There will be no benefit to me in doing that,

John

I think you just need to chill out, you're sounding like a stalker You met her at work on Tuesday and have had an hour long chat on the phone with her on Thursday, some perspective might be in order.

No plans, no schedule, no seduction techniques, take it easy, r e l a x, let the normal process of attraction take place, enjoy talking, spending time together and finding out about each other.

Stephen Salmon wrote:

I think you just need to chill out, you're sounding like a stalker You met her at work on Tuesday and have had an hour long chat on the phone with her on Thursday, some perspective might be in order.

No plans, no schedule, no seduction techniques, take it easy, r e l a x, let the normal process of attraction take place, enjoy talking, spending time together and finding out about each other.

With all due respect, I think you're reacting a little strongly here. You've never experienced a great connection with someone that happens quickly? You don't think NLP communication is normal?

This is only a different perspective, but I think sharing great experiences with someone you're interested in belongs in every phase of the relationship. You wouldn't put a stone in your shoe to run a marathon, just because you're excited about winning, and by the same token, I think you should keep your communication running on all cylinders, even though you have a goal in mind, or perhaps especially so.

It IS important to relax, take it easy, and enjoy talking and spending time together, but its also important to put your best foot forward.

Strive for the best outcome, and if something else happens, relax, learn from the experience, and enjoy what you've already shared.

My first assumption here is that everybody has the best intention in mind unless PROVED otherwise. Also, anything done over the internet is to be taken with a grain of salt.

I think if someone looked at the number of posts and responses I have gotten here, it would be easy to think that we are making "much ado about nothing". I prefer to think that we are "making much ado about a POTENTIAL something". There is a whole new POTENTIAL future here. Each of us impacts others in just such a way... Sometimes lives turn on a dime. I make it a habit to make turns when I see dimes - a llife-change is always worth asecond look.

It was dark and late a few months ago in November when I saw a strange sight in my rear veiw mirror. I saw someone pushing a dirtbike across the road, in November, in the dark. I wondered for a moment what was going on. Perhaps a theft I thought. Should I turn around ? It might be dangerous. I would be late to my meeting. Would I want someone to ignore the theft of my favorite toys ??

I turned around and stopped to ask the guy 'where the race was'. He introduced himself and told me that he had just bought the bike for his kid and wanted to try it out. Then I saw a couple gals arriving all bundled up. He introduced me to his wife and daughter. He, that guy changed my life by teaching me about NLP. Now everything is different.

This girl may turn out to be just another face in my minds eye. Just another possability that fell short, but I am driven to give this my very best shot. I have NLP. I do not want to speed seduce her. I was just on here looking for some good ideas on how NLP applies to this situation.

I have recieved some good suggestions, and also learned of a couple problen areas to look at.

Thankyou all very very much.

FFRDave wrote:

My first assumption here is that everybody has the best intention in mind unless PROVED otherwise. Also, anything done over the internet is to be taken with a grain of salt.

In other words, everyone has the best intention...but be suspicious about those folks on that there internet.

For example:

I put up a post about this nice girl I met and how I want to utalize NLP to give me the best shot at a longterm relationship.

That is simple (or complex) enough

Now, suppose that there is a guy on the NLP forum named... (fred)
Fred has some sort of problem with women. Maybe he was hurt in some way and is bitter.
Maybe he met a nice girl who seeemed perfect and he used his (then) new-found NLP skills to sucessfully woo her.
...And then she hurt him and now he is bitter and angry.

His response to my post is something like: Ill change my name to, now its Joe.
" Joe, I am glad that you posted about your new ladie friend. I have some advice for you. All women are inherantly selfish and have a much greater potential for evil than men do. After years of doing hypnosis and NLP therapies, I have noted that all of the women that come to my office are trying to avoid taking responsability for thir actions. All of the men who come in to me for therapy, are in need of a new set of balls, which I give them.
Joe, the nicer a woman seems, the more of a bitch she will be. STAY AWAY FROM WOMEN WHO SEEM NICE !!

If Joe takes this advice to heart without any suspition he will only model the bitterness of Fred and miss out on what REALLY would have happened.

In this example, Freds real intention would most likely be to PROTECT JOE from the pain and anguish that he had experienced in years past. To protect a comrad from potential pain is a GOOD INTENTION. The advice is horrable (and should not be taken to heart by joe), but the intention is good.

Another example:
If Fred and Joe lived or worked in the same place and Freds ex-sister in-law (coincidentaly) is the "nice girl" Joe is interested in, that is a whole different situation. In this situation some of the players (except poor hapless Joe) know eachother. There is probably some degree of credability to Freds claims since he knew her.
This is not likely the case with people talking on a forum over the internet.

The term I used was "grain of salt". To me that means that information I take in, via the internet, should always be checked against my own model of the world (map of reality). Also , a certain degree of scrutaly should be applied to the ecology of what someone proposes. Its a matter of judgment.

FFRDave wrote:

This girl may turn out to be just another face in my minds eye. Just another possability that fell short, .

If you look at it that way "another possibility that fell short" I am afraid you will keep on finding these situations time and again.

Experiences in life are allright, if you measure people or encounters that way you will suffer the same treatment.

You are very egoistic as has been pointed out allegedly, and perhaps (hopefully) you will realize about that universal trait of us all.

Go and read the thread titled "I need help.."

See how many of your words are focused in you you you and then read again the quote about the billion chinese.

Curiously enough, that is exactly the insight I had the first time I went to china and saw how many people are there, an overwelming sense of being nothing, let alone anything important, humbling experience it was, though we quickly tend to forget and think the world revolves around us.

No thanks....

Dave

if you know what you want in a woman then what difference does the pace make?as she's keeping up with you. leading her is what its all about

re:"My desired outcome is to maximize her attraction to me in order to continue learning more about her, while at the same time teaching her about my life."

she's already attracted to you. and she'll get to know more about you as time goes. how would you know if she were "maximally attracted to you?

If you haven't already, I'd lead this woman by asking her out and go DO something. dancing? theatre? festival?
what's stopped you from that?

you're in a "dance" with her. just make sure you continue to be in the "lead"

Nothing has stopped me. Were right on track.

I called on Saturday morning (around 10AM) and had to leave a short message, identifying myself and wishing her a good day. Later that night she called me and we spoke for another half hour or so.

On Sunday (yesterday) she called me around 2pm and we talked another half hour. It was during that conversation that I asked her out. I used NLP and asked her this way, "would you like to go out on Friday, or Saturday night?" She said that she would see what night she could get a sitter for.

This is not a big sad scarry deal.

There are no problems. Sometimes a person (like me) who is not having problems, may be looking for a new approach or some different ideas in order to get out of a rut repeating their (my) old patterned behaviors. Hence the 'Not same old me' in the name of this thread.

I am not here asking for help with some problem.

I am here asking for some creative new ideas on how to make an already great situation even better.

I was only looking for some NLP pointers and I have gotten some.

I met this girl on Tuesday last week. I have known her name for a total of six days. We spent about 5 hours of Tuesday, laughing and goofing around in the midst of a hundred distractions. We have about two hours of phone time, and a date planned for either Friday or Saturday.

Its going great.

Update:

We have had one date that I think went very well.

Here are some things I learned during our conversation. I will spare you all of the contextual details, you'll just have to take my word for it....
1) She is a widow.
2) She lost her husband 10 years ago to Cancer
3) She doesnt want me to meet her two boys until she is sure we are a real couple.
4) she prefers me to meet her at the first location on all dates for the next 3 months or so
5) She is very busy with her boys on weeknights, leaving weekends only available for dates
6) She doesnt drink or smoke because of early Mormon beginnings
7) She attends a regular Baptist Christian church, but mainly for her boys sake

We get along wonderfully and she laughs at my jokes. We were in complete repport the whole time. She is responsive to my touch (hands) and admitted that she struggles with her desires.
At the end of our first date all was very well, but no oppurtunities for a 'good night kiss' were presented. I guessed that an attempt at such an early point might appear pushey, and I still think that was the right thing to do (or not do). During our date, I did some future pacing and she ate it up like candy. She dropped some definate hints indicating that she looks forward to continuing to see me.
I called the next day to let her know what nice time I had, and we discusssed some ideas for this comming friday or saturday.

Yesterday, I invited her to come on a 5K (3.1 Miles) Walk for Breast Cancer to be followed by a nice lunch at a restrualnt we had discussed during our recent date. I also offered, as options, a carshow, and a blues festival, her choice, of any and all activities.

Guess what: Her weekend is booked. Her boys have friends coming to stay the night and on Saturday she is helping to clean the community pool in prep for summer.

Here is what I think:
I think that she is using her boys as an excuse. She pretends that she is protecting them, but is really only limiting her dating options in order to minimize the risk of falling in love again. Falling in love means (here come the complex equivilances) she risks losing another man AGAIN. It gets especialy risky when she is confronted with a man (yours truely) she really COULD love. The better the attraction, the higher the risk, the busier she will get.

I can tell when a woman likes me and this one DOES.

I want to write her a metaphore to drive home the point that she could miss out on the man of her dreams (yours truely again, or even some other guy) if she continues to overprotect. It is OK to love again, even if it turns out not to be me. If there is really a fear and greif blockage, I really want to break it. I suspect that confronting her wiith the raw naked reality (IMHO) in stark, non metaphorical terms, would be too much for her to handle and she would just outright reject the idea (me). If it rings true, then I can help her install whatever resource she desires.

This is a nice girl, not some hosed up mess. I think one metaphore (covert NLP) and a visual squash (overt NLP with her permission and full participation) could get her to the right place.

Any ideas ???

Dave"

re:I think that she is using her boys as an excuse. She pretends that she is protecting them, but is really only limiting her dating options in order to minimize the risk of falling in love again. Falling in love means (here come the complex equivilances) she risks losing another man AGAIN. It gets especialy risky when she is confronted with a man (yours truely) she really COULD love. The better the attraction, the higher the risk, the busier she will get."

oh WOW what an enormous M-I-N-D-R-E-A-D

gawd I hope you don't act as though thats true. rather communicate and find out what's going on instead.

FFRDave wrote:

This is a nice girl, not some hosed up mess. I think one metaphore (covert NLP) and a visual squash (overt NLP with her permission and full participation) could get her to the right place.

Any ideas ???

Wow, how nice of you to perceive this woman as not being a hosed up mess. I wonder which handy dandy techniques would be appropriate to get you to the right place, which may well be away from her.