z8000783 wrote:

Perhaps you need to stop trying and just have some fun with people instead. There are people I know who do nothing else. Enjoy living in the moment for a while and stop worrying about the future. You seem to have been doing a lot of planning recently, now might be a good time to take a break from it.

My belief is people, especially women (perhaps some might like to confirm this) like to be with other people who are fun to be with. Intensity comes later once a friendship has developed, possibly.

Would it have been possible to have some light-hearted chit chat, enjoy the movie, make some jokes at her place and go home thinking that was a great night with her thinking the same?

It sounds like it was an ordeal.

John

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

She honestly seemed to enjoy herself with me as far as I could ascertain. There was some chit-chat, the movie was actually very good and we both enjoyed it. When we got to her place we watched some of Americas Funniest Home Videos and joked at the idiots on the TV with her roommate.

And to be honest the movie was one we picked out together. It came down to Monsters vs. Aliens, Escape to Witch Mountain, and some other one I do not remember. She asked me for my input and I told her I never liked the original Return to Witch Mountain when I was a kid, knew nothing about the other one but what little I knew about Monsters Vs Aliens made it seem good. I was recommending M vs. A of the three and we went with that. Had I been alone I would have probably watched The Fast and the Furious and did offer it as a suggestion early on but she did not go for it.

We did the same thing for dinner as well. We were both very hungry but did not know what we wanted. I just randomly threw out the suggestions of Ruby Tuesdays, Cracker Barrel, Uno's Pizza, Olive Garden or anything else she could think of as they were the first places to come into my head. We went with Ruby Tuesdays because the salad bar interested her. I did not mention I had wanted a burger for the last week or so and they make my favorite ones. Yes the decision of where we ate was almost entirely left up to her mainly to help ensure she had a good time and got anything she wanted. This was because the last time she let me take her out she wanted to go to the Olive Garden and at the time I said no because I did not care for them due to a very unpleasant experience many years ago there. I have since given them a second chance and the results were positive. I wanted to make up for that past mistake and ensure it was not repeated with this girl or any other.

At no time do I recall forcing anything on her or intentionally offering her any suggestions I did not think we both would not enjoy together and I was always open for any suggestions or input she wanted to give on anything. If anything was an ordeal it was an ordeal on me to make the offer I did and then have a young lady who absolutely should know better respond by saying she had no way to know I was loyal. I was ready for a no, but the form it took was not one I could have anticipated.

Most of the dinner conversation revolved around her repeating what she had said a few nights ago to me. It was the chief topic she wished to cover and I had nothing better to talk about and did not wish to talk about myself. We did chit-chat about high school and our friends.

We chose to go to a movie right after dinner on an urge.

The only things that were pre-planned was that I would wear a suit, take her to any place to eat she wanted to go and do my best to give her a good time. There was no structure beyond those few items I am aware of.

She has asked me to spend the night at her place repeatedly in the past; in fact she makes that offer at least half of the times we get together for anything. I did not tell her but for only the second time I had spare clothes and medication and I was ready to take her up on the offer if she put it out there again.

I would have included these other details had I not been exhausted when I returned home and preparing for bed 15 minutes after making that post.

ReptilesBlade wrote:

So the lesson I can take from this is that the only things that really matter is how much money you have and how much fun you can have? Honesty, faithfulness, and everything in my quote above means nothing.

If that is the case then I am playing a game I cannot win. There will always be someone who can outspend me or have more fun than me simply because there is a physical limit to nearly everything I do and if I pass that limit the consequences can be dire.

I think the phrase 'dude, lighten up' was designed for occasions like this. Honesty, faithfulness and so forth may indeed be highly valued by many women, but this does not mean that they are the qualities they want demonstrated in the early stages of dating.

Like it or not, we are animals. Fleshy creatures. And we want mates that stimulate us: emotionally, mentally, physically, and maybe more. It's only by satisfying those requirements that you make the cut to determine if you're the one they want to settle down with.

For that matter, how can you be sure you want to plight your troth to them? Dating is about discovering how compatible you are in all kinds of ways, and deciding that the first woman you clap your eyes on is The One is about as likely in romantic terms as discovering that you're The One Keanu Reeves played in The Matrix, dude.

If you want the answer couched in more NLPesque terms, think of what strategy you're employing. At the moment you're zooming for Happy Ever After without experiencing the preceding stages of the sequence. It's not until you've lived through them that you'll know for sure that you've found a Snow White or a Big Bad Wolf.

adrian r wrote:

I think the phrase 'dude, lighten up' was designed for occasions like this. Honesty, faithfulness and so forth may indeed be highly valued by many women, but this does not mean that they are the qualities they want demonstrated in the early stages of dating.

Like it or not, we are animals. Fleshy creatures. And we want mates that stimulate us: emotionally, mentally, physically, and maybe more. It's only by satisfying those requirements that you make the cut to determine if you're the one they want to settle down with.

For that matter, how can you be sure you want to plight your troth to them? Dating is about discovering how compatible you are in all kinds of ways, and deciding that the first woman you clap your eyes on is The One is about as likely in romantic terms as discovering that you're The One Keanu Reeves played in The Matrix, dude.

If you want the answer couched in more NLPesque terms, think of what strategy you're employing. At the moment you're zooming for Happy Ever After without experiencing the preceding stages of the sequence. It's not until you've lived through them that you'll know for sure that you've found a Snow White or a Big Bad Wolf.

Sorry to have to tell you this guys, but this guy is winding you all up.

D

Hi Mark

Thanks for your answer.


[QUOTE=ReptilesBlade;84574]To be faithful and loyal to each other. This sums it up better than I could.



I _____, take you ______, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.


Mmm cherish what a lovely word, it's not used often at all now, is it. When I got married, we rewrote the vows and included a bit about having fun and we both wore something old and torn as a symbol that our love was not about money.

Smiling and laughing are free and good for your brain and your body and for other people around you. I can get rather too serious, try too hard to learn and grow, too focused on my work and sometimes I need to remind myself (or be reminded by a friend - like John!!) to have some fun and to build that into my life.

When something is fun to do it can seem so much easier, haven't you noticed that.

How do you have fun?


What makes you smile?


What makes you feel good inside?


What makes you laugh?


When did you last laugh until the tears rolled down your cheeks, your cheeks ached and your stomach hurt?

When did you last make somebody smile?

Ever brought a smile to someone's face who felt sad?

Ever made somebody see the funny side of something that was scaring them, so that they were suddenly no longer afraid?

When did you last make somebody laugh until they cried, and told you to stop as their cheeks hurt and they had a stitch?

David, re: 'this guy is winding you all up'.

...and you know this how, exactly?

adrian r wrote:

David, re: 'this guy is winding you all up'.

...and you know this how, exactly?

Fair enough. I just thought a warning would be helpful since it is obvious he has got you all dancing around. You know better, good luck.

Enjoy.

D

9Steps wrote:

Fair enough. I just thought a warning would be helpful since it is obvious he has got you all dancing around. You know better, good luck.

Enjoy.

D

He didn't say he knew better, he asked you how you knew that it was a wind up.

John

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

[quote=z8000783;84585]He didn't say he knew better, he asked you how you knew that it was a wind up."
It was an indirect challenge. I was trying to help. If people want to put conditions on help...

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites

Gee, I dunno. Why does talking from your mouth and talking from your bottom produce different results?

Just the way it is I guess.
Have a great day
D

[quote=9Steps;84587]

z8000783 wrote:

He didn't say he knew better, he asked you how you knew that it was a wind up."
It was an indirect challenge. I was trying to help. If people want to put conditions on help...

Gee, I dunno. Why does talking from your mouth and talking from your bottom produce different results?

Just the way it is I guess.
Have a great day
D

I would still be interested to know what the answer was.

John

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places

John wrote:

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places

Love the quotes you use in your posts, John. You seem to use a new quote in every post you make! Seems like you have a huge collection.

[quote=z8000783;84588]

9Steps wrote:

I would still be interested to know what the answer was.

John

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places

Intuition is the aggregate result of sensory inputs that we perceive but do not notice. The reasons for intuition are rarely logical (cortical).

It was an intuition. perhaps I have seen a similar progression of posts elsewhere. Nothing very remarkable.

D

I dont know if Mark Smith is a wind up, but surely if all the advice came life instead of via forum, he would have received many "slaps in the face" (metaphorically and literally) allready from many of his well intentioned friends, kind of pattern-interrupt-movie-like, after witnessing how he manages to missunderstand what he is told and holds to some of the most puritan self righteous beliefs my recovering catholic mind has seen...

You should consider saving all that money and seek professional help (of the other kind...)

Roberto

First of all Happy Easter to everyone!

Carol I will answer your questions when I get more time. I have not had the chance to think about them and to be honest I am having surprising difficulty coming up with something that makes me happy when little seems to these days.

adrian r wrote:

I think the phrase 'dude, lighten up' was designed for occasions like this. Honesty, faithfulness and so forth may indeed be highly valued by many women, but this does not mean that they are the qualities they want demonstrated in the early stages of dating.

adrian r wrote:

Like it or not, we are animals. Fleshy creatures. And we want mates that stimulate us: emotionally, mentally, physically, and maybe more. It's only by satisfying those requirements that you make the cut to determine if you're the one they want to settle down with.

For that matter, how can you be sure you want to plight your troth to them? Dating is about discovering how compatible you are in all kinds of ways, and deciding that the first woman you clap your eyes on is The One is about as likely in romantic terms as discovering that you're The One Keanu Reeves played in The Matrix, dude.

If you want the answer couched in more NLPesque terms, think of what strategy you're employing. At the moment you're zooming for Happy Ever After without experiencing the preceding stages of the sequence. It's not until you've lived through them that you'll know for sure that you've found a Snow White or a Big Bad Wolf.

This was a woman I have known for over a year and dated before, if that was not the case I would not have made the offer. I do not immediately settle on the first woman that crosses my path and I do not jump from hello to lets get married or anything like that in a short amount of time.

As for as stimulating anything I have no idea how to do that or what it feels like to be stimulated in any of the ways you described. I have simply never been allowed to. I spent my childhood either in a hospital bed or when at school locked in a library while the other kids were outside playing because they did not know what else to do with me. My teenage years were spent skirting more hospital time and being shunned by most of my peers, especially the female ones. My early twenties were spent helping my mother with Multiple Sclerosis run a household of five teenagers and caring for our grandmother with terminal cancer. These are simply facts.

I have no idea what those preceding stages are supposed to be or even if I can do them. That is why I am here, to at least attempt to fill in the gaps in the only way I know.

eliansito wrote:

I don’t know if Mark Smith is a wind up, but surely if all the advice came life instead of via forum, he would have received many "slaps in the face" (metaphorically and literally) already from many of his well intentioned friends, kind of pattern-interrupt-movie-like, after witnessing how he manages to misunderstand what he is told and holds to some of the most puritan self righteous beliefs my recovering catholic mind has seen...

eliansito wrote:

You should consider saving all that money and seek professional help (of the other kind...)

Roberto

I have sought advice and guidance from my friends and relatives on multiple occasions only to be given nothing in return. This is the only place I have found where anyone would even try to answer my questions either on the internet or outside of it.

I was actually going to seek professional help but as soon as I mentioned it after admitting I nearly committed suicide over this issue on multiple occasions my parents persuaded me not to. Their advice is to just accept it because if it does not happen then it is not meant to be.

I am considering trying anyway but the idea of some shrink just telling me to take a purple pill and all of my problems will go away somehow does not seem like the path to remedying this situation.

As far as my "puritan self righteous beliefs" are concerned I doubt that not wanting to jump into bed with the first young woman that crosses my path and obtaining some type of STD that I cannot fight off and that would most likely prove fatal to me qualifies as such. Neither does the idea of fathering any children with some random woman and having them grow up in a broken home like I had to.

[QUOTE=ReptilesBlade;84647]

Carol I will answer your questions when I get more time. I have not had the chance to think about them and to be honest I am having surprising difficulty coming up with something that makes me happy when little seems to these days.


Make time now to answer those questions, they are important ones, that's the honest reason I asked them. Get out there, take the chance to make somebody smile, make somebody laugh till they cry, make another happy, right now.

[QUOTE=ReptilesBlade;84647]First of all Happy Easter to everyone!

[COLOR=black]Carol I will answer your questions when I get more time. I have not had the chance to think about them and to be honest I am having surprising difficulty coming up with something that makes me happy when little seems to these days.[/COLOR]


Here they are again Mark. I answered them myself took me two minutes.


How do you have fun?


What makes you smile?


What makes you feel good inside?


What makes you laugh?


When did you last laugh until the tears rolled down your cheeks, your cheeks ached and your stomach hurt?

When did you last make somebody smile?

Ever brought a smile to someone's face who felt sad?

Ever made somebody see the funny side of something that was scaring them, so that they were suddenly no longer afraid?

When did you last make somebody laugh until they cried, and told you to stop as their cheeks hurt and they had a stitch?

OK, you have no personal experience of what happens between going on a date and walking down the aisle. That's fine. From the people you know, the books you've read, the films and tv shows you've seen, what are you aware that people do that you'd like to experience?

Mark,

You need to get more of a social life and then you won't be so fixated on finding just the right young lady to spend your life with.

You need to get a hobby so you have a reason to get out and be with people who are interested in similar things as to you.

You need to stand up for your own self and make up your own mind. If you are feeling suicidal and your parents tell you not to seek professional help you might want to ask yourself why they would do such a thing?

You know what you need. And there is nothing wrong or shameful in seeking the advice of a professional counselor (who does not have the authority to prescribe you purple pills or pills of any other color, for that matter) who, believe it or not, has much more experience in helping people find their way out of stuck states than you ever have. (I have done it myself more than once and will do it again.)

Relax, Mark. Everyone gets a turn. And it is now your turn to start enjoying yourself.

Venus

Have you had that holiday yet, Mark?

John

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it for example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt

z8000783 wrote:

Have you had that holiday yet, Mark?

John

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it for example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt

Its a wind-up. 100%

A also wonder about the wrinkles John. I also know that pulling hair out is painful and I wonder why I didn't feel it when someone pulled much of mine out.

Have a great day - your wrinkles too.

D

[quote=Carol;84650]

ReptilesBlade wrote:

First of all Happy Easter to everyone!

ReptilesBlade wrote:

[COLOR=black]Carol I will answer your questions when I get more time. I have not had the chance to think about them and to be honest I am having surprising difficulty coming up with something that makes me happy when little seems to these days.

ReptilesBlade wrote:

Here they are again Mark. I answered them myself took me two minutes.


How do you have fun?


What makes you smile?


What makes you feel good inside?


What makes you laugh?


When did you last laugh until the tears rolled down your cheeks, your cheeks ached and your stomach hurt?

When did you last make somebody smile?

Ever brought a smile to someone's face who felt sad?

Ever made somebody see the funny side of something that was scaring them, so that they were suddenly no longer afraid?

When did you last make somebody laugh until they cried, and told you to stop as their cheeks hurt and they had a stitch?

I agree those are important questions. I have been making the time to think of them and begin forming my responses. I simply have not had the chance to post those responses until now.


How do you have fun?

I enjoy anything that can provide me with a challenge, specifically a mental one.

I play video games, but that is more of an escape that is necessary from time to time due to my job (more on that below). They are also the closest thing I have to a hobby. I try to play multiplayer games or Massive Multiplayer Online games when given the chance for more of a social aspect now. The main two I play are Eve online and Dungeons and Dragons Online.

To be honest half the time I play them it is simply because I have nothing better to do.

I also enjoy bicycling, however my current ride is out of commission and I simply have not had the money/time to repair it. I am considering fixing it next week and to hell with the costs. I am also short on the time to ride it but I am working on a way to remedy that situation as well.

As mentioned earlier I also enjoy cooking, particularly for others be it just for one person or for small groups up to say roughly ten people. I can cook for more though given enough time and materials to make something nice.

The best times are when I combine one or more of them, for example I am going to go to the lady I took on a date last weeks place and cook for her and bringing video games for us to play. I have done this multiple times in the past and I saw her roommate at work today who told me they are both really looking forward to it again.

I have also considered trying to get back into fishing and camping, two things I enjoyed in my youth.

What makes you smile?

When an account pops up with any of the following names on it. And yes this is just a small portion of a much longer list of real people I have personally talked to.

Mike Dodo, Dick Whipp, Suha Shmale, Kathy Bizzarro, Mary Braests, Crystal Shanda Leer, Ying Yang (one of our techs), Jay Kenoff (say it fast), Luci/Dan Battsek, Kevin Kuntz (refused to let me say his last name), and of course the one that started it all, the young woman in Los Angeles CA named Toy Dix.

What makes you feel good inside?

Helping to protect people. See below for more of an explanation on that one.

I also feel good when doing the above where I sort of host small get togethers or parties and cook for people and entertain them.

What makes you laugh?

When an account pops up with the above names or special alarm handling instructions like this. And yes once again this actually happened.

"Home owner is in a wheelchair, and heavily armed, will cooperate with P.D., His wife is also heavily armed and will cooperate if husband says to."

"Home owner cannot hear, only read lips." (Everything we do is over the phone.)

"As of 05-25-05 and going forward customer wants PD to knock on the door when they are dispatched." (This was on an account in Washington D.C. These people are running our country! Am I the only one terrified by that?)

This was my first encounter with what I have since termed "The Crazies". There is never any warning.

When an elderly lady answers the phone and I ask if she is ok because we received a burglar alarm from her home. She says everything is fine but can you help me get some more yard signs. I reply "Sure, I can help you with that." While making the order up she tells me she needs them because people keep breaking into her home and stealing her underwear.

At that point I froze and the only thing running through my head was this.

"A 55-60 year old woman just told me she needs a yard sign to keep people from breaking into her home and stealing her underwear... there is absolutely nothing in training that prepared me for this."

And yes I have lots more than just those.

When did you last laugh until the tears rolled down your cheeks, your cheeks ached and your stomach hurt?

I cannot remember.

When did you last make somebody smile?

In addition to making our customers smile every day by reassuring them that I am always there protecting them a friend of mine from work was feeling sad because a friend of hers had passed away. I brought a smile to her face quickly by goofing off and offering to dance for her.

Ever made somebody see the funny side of something that was scaring them, so that they were suddenly no longer afraid?

No, in my line of work if someone is scared there is usually a reason. I will give an example. This happened to me just fifteen minutes before the end of my shift tonight and is an example of what I go through on a daily basis besides the above.

An older woman called in named Mrs. Martin (not her real name) and I immediately picked up on two things by the sound of her voice. She was crying and she was terrified. She explained that she was on her cell phone and the battery was about to go dead. There was someone outside of her home messing with her phone lines and the alarm system was acting strangely (I could hear it in the background and it was acting perfectly normal for a system that is being tampered with). She was holed up in a closet in her home. She had tried to call 911 but could not get through, every means of communication she had except for that cell phone was out and it was about to go too. I of course immediately went into action and I was able to calm her down some and get her to be coherent. She did not know who was doing this to her or how many of them there were. I was able to convince her to allow me to place her on hold while I got the authorities, she agreed reluctantly. Within another 30 seconds the police were on the way and I had transferred her over to the 911 operator so that there would not be any lag in transmitting much needed information about the hostage and her situation, the only way she would have ever had to get to the help she needed.

I will bring her account up and check on her when I get into work tomorrow.

I have been doing this for a year and a half now and I have never lost one. There are those in my line of work who cannot say that.

When did you last make somebody laugh until they cried, and told you to stop as their cheeks hurt and they had a stitch?

The latest time was when I was out on a date with the same girl from last week and we were taking turns telling each other jokes. She fired one at me and I fired a racially charged one back at her. She then spent the next 5-6 minutes struggling to breathe through her laughter. Every time she started to recover I hit her with another one just for fun.