Mark,

You seem to be quite proud in sharing your problems. I am not saying you should hide them away but none of us had the perfect childhood, it is not your past which is holding you back, it is the way you handle the future that makes you.

Ultimatly things like this

I will not back down until we have a positive net worth at minimum in the $500,000 - $1,000,000 range.

and then this

The problem is I am now twenty six, nearing twenty seven in June and I am not even remotely close to this goal. Worse still is something I had never foreseen, the fact that due to my pre-existing

Is that you may still be missing the bigger picture. For whatever reason, parental influence, bible, traumatic experience or whatever you are now in a bad place. What you are doing was and is not working. The way of thinking got you to where you are now, maintaining this crazy tickbox approach to finding a woman attractive will keep you single forever.

Can I be provocative with you? Well tough, I have read your post and you are doing enough whinning for the both of us.

You dont have a girlfriend because-

1 You treat them like a project.
2 Treating them like a project stops you from falling in love, being spontanious and lets be honest, to you the project is more important than the persons feelings.
3 You whine and complain too much, that makes you unpleasant to be around. Girls have choices of which guys to spend time with, dont give them reasons to reject you.
4 Through living a life in your head and not with your body has ensured you think you know too much yet have experienced too little. A little like every arm chair sports fan who watches hours of stuff from their sofa and then shout at the TV claiming they know more than the managers and coaches. Live life. You are 26 and probably have lived for about 5 years, the rest of it you spent in your own head.
5 You think you know what pathway you want to follow and I believe that you have created a relationship in your head that everyone wants. The joy of a relationship is to build a life togeather not to mentally kidnapp a girl from her life so she can spend her time looking after you and your goals. That will scare every woman off, in fact it will even put male friends off from wanting to be around you.

Take a walk through a bush shopping mall and you will walk past abot 50 girls p/hour who would love to date you. Dating is a natural thing and even you are born with bags of natural ability.

Of those 50 girls

40 will be put off by your frown and miserable energy.
5 will be put off by your constant testing and analasis.
and the other 5 will probably shag you anyway but you dont want those skanks anyway, even desperate people should maintain standards.

Which leads me to my last observation. Setting your goals with such detail is a tactic people use to make sure they never even enter the game. Its a little like a workshy guy who states " I aint getting out of bed for less than $100 per hour". All he is doing is aiming his target so unrealistically so that it protects him from getting in the game at all. It's a little like wanting to build the best lego model ever but because you think you will stuggle with the roof you end up never putting down the first brick.

Revise your expectations of yourself and everyone else to something realistic.

Maybe your target should be to find 3 new friends who make you feel good when you are in their company. Maybe random new people you meet in a coffee shop or through some kind of support group. Once you sort yourself out the rest will be a whole lot easier to achieve.

Maybe leave Mr Crazy at home when you next go out. I have ultimate patience for people when I am in work mode but if I met you in a pub or coffee shop and you open a bag of crazy on me from out of the blue then we'd fall out pretty quick. Start being the person you want to be, TODAY! and for the first few days you can just play at being that person. Walk through the mall or get on the bus as if George Cloney lent you his body and charm for the day.

Thanks

Matt

I think this man's beliefs of what must be and what must not be are way too rigid. I think he's one bad day away from walking into a department store with a pistol and going on a shooting spree.

Tony,

I don't see that in Mark. I think he is 1 bad day away from saying

"Fuck it, I dont enjoy having this baggage anymore, God gave me a good brain, charm, a quick wit and a cracking sense of humour so I am just going to get on with having some fucking fun and use them!"

Wow.

Mark,

I was going to write something "positive and supportive," but it would have taken a lot longer to do it my way than the way Matt just did.

I think Matt's given you some great advice and from a female's perspective I wouldn't disagree with any of it.

I suppose the only other comment I have for you right now is that I wonder why you keep pointing to sources outside of yourself to tell you what/who you are?

In my experience, the only way to really tap into that is to go inside ... and find out for yourself.

Venus

My dad was a great ornithologist and often he would work out what he most wanted to see. Then he would work out where that bird was mostly likely to hang out and what it might be interested in. He would swot up, make a list, write it all down and then once he worked out the right place to go to 'bump' into the bird he would go there at different times until he saw a flock or the exact type of bird he was looking for. Then he would just be him and sit quietly and make a gentle atmosphere. Soon it was almost as though the bird came to look at him out of curiosity. It was a great strategy.

In fact he always worked out what he wanted in life and then made a strategy of out how to achieve it, maybe he learnt that from his ornithology. Sometimes it was hard for us when he was utterly truthful or didn't want to do things we wanted to do but he was clear about it, so we knew where we all stood. My granddad found him very different and apparently couldn't believe it when my clever, beautiful and unusual mother fell in love and married him. He thought she was a miracle and that all three of us were too!

Carol,
Is that a dead horse in your avatar?

No Matt, I am not proud to share my problems. I am doing so because the only way to get an honest answer to get a problem resolved is to be honest about the problem itself. What good would it do me to come here and lie then get advice for a problem that does not exist? Believe it or not I am not here to waste anyone’s time, least of all my own.

I know what you are saying is the truth Matt and I am trying to figure out how to apply it.

It is like I am in a locked cell with a well hidden key in there with me. I can escape at any time but I have to find the key first, the problem being is I do not know where to look for it. I feel your post are the directions to where the key is hidden, I still have to search for it, find it, and then use it to escape myself but at least I know what part of the cell to begin looking in.

“Revise your expectations of yourself and everyone else to something realistic.”

Ok, I will happily do so if it will end this misery. I have no frame of reference of what normal is though; would you at least give me a direction to look in that regard as well please?



And Tony, Matt is correct. I would never intentionally harm anyone unless they attempted to harm a loved one or myself first. Even when I was at my lowest point, completely consumed with depression and suicidal a year ago I never considered ways of taking anyone with me.



And in response to Venus.

I suppose the only other comment I have for you right now is that I wonder why you keep pointing to sources outside of yourself to tell you what/who you are?

In my experience, the only way to really tap into that is to go inside ... and find out for yourself.

Would you please give me an idea on how to do that, or at the very least how to start doing that?



And Carol, thank you for that story. I am trying to do the same as your father did.

Also to second Tony, is that a dead horse in your avatar?

Hi Mark

Something that you might want to consider, yet its a big project, and will take you a week or so to do, yet its often very helpful with people who find them selves to be stuck in a rut, I have had a host of people do this and its been a very powerful base of change.

One of the things we humans do is something called state dependent learning, and one of the conductors of such, is the environment we live in, you have your home, and the way your furniture is positioned will have over time become the bases of a state conditioned learning environment, i.e an environment engaging in negativity, and you will have developed a series of anchors at an out of awareness level of being.

So the easiest way to change them old pattens is to change the way your home is set up, and change the lay out of your living space, and in doing to you change the conditioned responses, you have built over the years.

LJ

And consider easing up on the Puritan values a bit.

Jay Budzynski wrote:

Hi Mark

Something that you might want to consider, yet its a big project, and will take you a week or so to do, yet its often very helpful with people who find them selves to be stuck in a rut, I have had a host of people do this and its been a very powerful base of change.

One of the things we humans do is something called state dependent learning, and one of the conductors of such, is the environment we live in, you have your home, and the way your furniture is positioned will have over time become the bases of a state conditioned learning environment, i.e an environment engaging in negativity, and you will have developed a series of anchors at an out of awareness level of being.

So the easiest way to change them old pattens is to change the way your home is set up, and change the lay out of your living space, and in doing to you change the conditioned responses, you have built over the years.

LJ

I actually tried that once already only to discover my limited living space literally forces me to have the furniture arranged the way it currently is with absolutely no flexibility. I was very disappointed and still am.

And yes Russian I am already trying to find a way to back off those values. They obviously failed me at some point. The problem now is where I go from here; I literally have no direction and do not yet have an idea of how to proceed creating one.

Mark

Well How about a mirror image, everything that is on the right side of the room, put on the left, every thing that is on the left side of the room put on the right, and so on, same space being used, all different locations.

As for "absolutely no flexibility" thats more of a dysfunction of consciousness and a false to fact reality base.

Hi Mark. I am not intending to be rude so I must be truthfull and say. You have too many questions. Could you scale it down a little? That is all the congruent me can come up with for an answer.

Jay Budzynski wrote:

Mark

Well How about a mirror image, everything that is on the right side of the room, put on the left, every thing that is on the left side of the room put on the right, and so on, same space being used, all different locations.

As for "absolutely no flexibility" thats more of a dysfunction of consciousness and a false to fact reality base.

Actually it is a fact based in reality.

The cable that supplies the internet to my pc from the cable modem on the other side of the house is at its limit where it is and wireless internet is not an option either since the signal simply does not transmit to my location in the home. I also have an old CRT monitor that I like. I also have a queen size bed, dresser, chest, and a make-shift entertainment center and a small book chest that hold about 1/4th of all my books. I cannot relocate the PC to get maneuvering room to reposition the rest of the stuff. Believe me I spent two weeks trying.



And pet, I did not think you were being rude. Just look to the last post I made above to Matt, Tony, and Venus. Those are really the only questions I have now. I will be working on finding answers to the original ones on my own.

Ha the old I am being out smarted by a limited "The cable" routine!

I still think there is always room to change things around, I had a room that was limited by space, until I bought a few extension leads, for power, and the phone/modem, the issue was sorted.


J

Yeah, and the idea just occurred to me to switch around where the TV and the bed are. I am surprised that one did not come up before. This has the added benefit of giving me a nice place to read in the sunlight from the only window I have. If the TV does not work there I can just discard it, I have not even turned it on once in the last two months anyway. Studies have shown the people who do not watch regular TV actually live happier lives. All the game stuff can easily be packed up and put in storage in one way or another, the only time I play the consoles is when I pack them up and take them some place.

This could lead to modifying my PC monitors position as well in some way, not sure there though.

I might try this some time next week.

Well done Mark

See there is always little things you can do, to change, in my post, up there^^ there I was talking about conditioned learning to our environment, one of the biggest, anchors I have found that can aid in negative patterns being re-stimulated at an unaware level of consciouses, is the the location of mirrors, one of my specializations in change work is "preconscious processing and environmental causality learning" or how the environment encodes learning pattens- so lets say you have had a rough day, at work, and you have a mirror in you hall way, so you in state (X) and while you are in state (X) you see your reflexion, through the natural process of association (anchoring/conditioned response) you brain generalizes your reflection to state (X) when you see your reflexion, so you might change the location of the mirrors in your home.

Now this is also something to consider, again with mirrors, I am sure you would have had sometimes in your life where you had a really good time, so what you want to do, is write them down one small cards, and place one happy memory card in the corner of each mirror, and when you are standing in front of the mirror, take a little time to remember all the good feelings from your happy memory card, and then look at your self- while your in this good state, do this day in day out until, it becomes automatic, and over time it will habituate, to any and all reflexions of the self.

J

russianbear wrote:

And consider easing up on the Puritan values a bit.

LOL

Be Cavalier for while it's much more fun.

John

Make happy those who are near and those who are far will come too

"It's just human. We all have the jungle inside of us. We all have wants and needs and desires, strange as they may seem. If you stop to think about it, we're all pretty creative, cooking up all these fantasies, it's like a kind of poetry."

-Diane Frolov

russianbear wrote:

Carol,
Is that a dead horse in your avatar?

No he's hypnotized - a hypnopony! He was a stallion and had run on the Scottish hills for 4 years and was a leader when I first met him. I thought he was pretty dashing and we clicked so I brought him home with me. He had an attitude of kill first and ask questions later. He soon became as cool as James Bond after communicating with him using natural horsemanship and would ask if I would like anyone or anything taken out. After training he was matched up with a young girl who is interested in drama - I felt he needed to be with somebody expressive who would value him and not critise him as he is very proud. They fell in love at first sight and have made a great relationship and do lots together.

In this picture I have used mirroring, matching, pacing and leading and then by lowering my 'energy' and trancing he felt safe and he's zoned out, relaxed and so happy. In this kind of horsemanship it's the ultimate sign of trust. Horses are animals that are preyed on and we are meat eaters with lots of predatory behaviours so many horses worry they might be on the menu one day. Interestingly many professional riders do not eat meat.

Damn I wish I could communicate with animals as well as you do.