The experience I've had with managers at various jobs is that they all have had some authority or act "managerial" when speaking or interact w others. Unfortunitly most of them have lacked self awareness, maybe self confidence and other skills such as setting well defined goals or communicating in a clear and inambigous way. In my world a manager or leader do not need authority to earn my respect, but instead goal setting and clear communications skills are important. More of leadership and less of management...

One of my biggest motivations in life is to start and drive a company with a really good motivating management team...

To me it's quite obvious though that it's not so easy to become a manager at a company without the aura of authority. So my question is this: can this "authority" be learnt? How can I learn this before becoming a manager?

/M

Everything can be learnt.

One has only to pay attention.

Venus

It seems that there are two skills in this regard:

1. Learning to become the authority in your own personal life.

Are you someone who has the habit of saying you're going to do something - and then not following through with it? If so, then practicing inner integrity in the smallest ways - and then building this muscle is the first step. Have the patience to explore this in all areas of your life (exercise, food, sleep, money, social life, love life, work life). In short, by practicing well defined outcomes, breaking it down into logical steps, following through, and keeping a daily journal of progress.

2. Building people skills. Two of the best books I know on this are crucial conversations and crucial confrontations. Of course their are hoards of other books on managing, motivating, and business leadership - and everyone has their own taste in that sort of thing. The book "The Speed of Trust" is also an excellent resource. I am also a huge fan of anything by Matthew Kelly. None of above books are NLP books, but rather books on building what Buddhists refer to as "skillful means" - inner and outer patterns of skill-building to achieve mastery at the basics of a life well-lived.

Blessings,
David

Worth While: I would tend to be sceptical of David's first point at first glance because it seems the usual 'turn everything on oneself' banter. Such as the answer to a question like 'how can i be more confident with women' being answered with 'first, be more confident with yourself'....a highly infuriating comment. However in this case I would dispel this negative view altogether because of the way he explains himself: point 1 and point 2. They are very clear and concise.
I disagree that 'everything' can be learnt by everybody as a general point but practising daily 'inner integrity', as David coins it, may have a massive effect.
As suggested, breaking things down into daily targets is an intelligent way to approach this (in my opinion) and books may or may not be the way to go. In my limited experience I have found if you learn well from books and don't simply skim-read like so many, reading on a topic not completely related to managerial success may help more on a subtle level. I liked James Borg's 'Persuasion', although as with every text it is always each to their own.

With regard the authority with which you would like to hold: this is usually about respect above all else (among other things). Respect is actually not to be pushed, but to be earned, and is a mutual thing to a degree. Show subordinates mature respect, stick to your word and be reasonable, and hopefully this should be a step or two in the right direction.

Everything is so personal to each individual so do what works for you (an irritating comment I know but it takes practise and trial and error often to know what works for you). Good luck.


Alex.

Thanks Venus, David and Alex for great comments!

Pink Floyd wrote:

Show subordinates mature respect, stick to your word and be reasonable, and hopefully this should be a step or two in the right direction.

This is what I do, and I can feel that I earn respect from subordinates and team mates by showing respect and keep my word, even though it takes time. These are values that I also respect in great leaders. BUT, what I am surprizer of is that leaders that do the opposite gain tremendous respect by acting out "alpha male" skills. And worse, they are being promoted. I'm not impressed by an incompetent alpha male leader. BUT, since these methods are being recognized and such persons are promoted, I acknowledge the fact that it works. They can make people do things, because the subordinates are ... scared.

So I'm trying to be practical here and think: maybe I should acquire a few of these alpha male skills in order to get where I want, and then act out my other skills...

/M

Interesting thread. I am curious when you discuss these 'alpha male skills' as being valuable for getting promoted in the workplace. I would suggest that ALL KINDS of people get promoted in many different types of businesses.

I used to work in a casino where it was common knowledge that women were getting promoted right and left by dating or sleeping with their supervisors - and the men got promoted by a kind of popularity contest as well (albeit of a different sort). The supervisors would promote their buddies or girlfriends. So it wasn't so much about being an alpha male as it was a matter of being the boss's golf buddy or best friend. To get ahead you either had to be excellent at what you do AND fairly well-liked - or you had to have someone in power who wanted to do you a favor.

Now, of course these politics are different in every workplace - and in a well run business these shenanigans are usually kept down to a dull roar. In an excellent business, people are promoted based on skill and merit - and often on the unique perspective of what precisely is perceived as 'valuable' by the person doing the promoting.

All this being said, I would question your reference to being an alpha male as causing people to get promoted. It may very well be likely that the people you see getting ahead in your workplace seem to be this way. And I would suggest that it is also very likely that they have some OTHER skill set that is also helping them catch the eye of their employer. When I hear alpha male, I often think of dumb jocks who have no talent or intelligence - but are very good at boasting and putting others down. Now, it's very possible that my own perception of alpha male is different from yours. That's almost guaranteed since we all have different backgrounds and experiences to draw from. What I would suggest is that it's very possible that the people you are calling alpha male are ALSO very good at generating some kind of result. Perhaps they are charismatic and good at motivating others. Perhaps they demonstrate confidence, take the initiative, appear enthusiastic, and are good at getting the job done. If they are merely dominant and arrogant alone, I doubt they would be getting 'all the promotions.'

You could, for example, go down to the local bar and find several example of loud-mouthed idiots strutting around. Are these precisely the kind of people your company is promoting? Drunken idiots? Or is there some other quality that the people at your company have?

What may help is to clarify these other qualities - the ones that are positive and helpful to you - so that you can begin learning and developing them yourself. You might even ask those who have been promoted for some suggestions on this - or those who are doing the promoting - what qualities are they looking for?

Peace,
David