Hello,

I am new to NLP Connections, I found it on Google when i realized i required some assistance from someone who's been there before me. Not very recently, but not very past, i started studying NLP, I came to it after I found Ericksonian hypnosis and soon stumbled upon Grinder, Dilts, Hall, and a whole assortment of the greats. After a unlikely bout of studying (as i never used to be fond of it), I found myself immersed into a world of hypnosis, NLP and some other powerful stuff like Igor Ledochowski's conversational hypnosis.

Now recently, I discovered I was stuck; even with the help of nlp patterns and "swishing daily," some custom patterns I use for myself and alot of hypnosis tapes, I could not seem to change one thing about myself.

I had a slump in high school into low self-esteem since I didnt fit in and after discovering NLP, quickly changed that, but that never changed this feeling of awkwardness I get when hanging around certain people. Now whether I am creating this feeling or since I am very empathetic and can read their non-verbal cues quite well, possibly I am simply interpreting their emotions, does not help, because it indicates that there is awkwardness in the conversation, and I feel the same low self-esteem feelings even though its been long since I have had that problem due to that, during the conversation, and I take the feedback and try to further my improvement, yet I find myself stuck on one turning point.

Now what happens to me is I start forgetting all my knowledge when I am feeling like this and I have even written many affirmations with my submodalities to improve or overcome this, but I forget my tricks(for self-confidence and whatnot) and knowledge when these feeling strikes, and I do poorly in the conversation, and I know not how to surpass this feeling. It is one of inadequacy, awkwardness, ignorance and a lack of worthiness. It is preventing me from excelling with my NLP and conversational hypnosis, which can be disappointing because I want to become a hypnotherapist in the near future.

Any assistance or insight into this and ways of becoming more congruent externally (what I say and how I act) with who I am internally (cool, calm, relaxed and sharp, vs. being ungrounded, airy, unthoughtful, lacking tact and a desired outcome in a conversation). And also how to remain more consistency with this, versus falling back to my old tendencies which happens often. I would like to gain that consistency and congruency as I would like to become a phenomenally powerful speaker and conversationalist as well as a social dynamic scientist

If anyone can help I would be ever grateful and if anyone has a similar problem they too may greatly thank you.

Thanks and regards,

Dayten J. Sheffar

Off the top of my head I would suggest doing the Cleaning perceptual positions process, to clean up your interpretations first, and follow it up with getting a nice strong circle of excellence anchored to the very people who used to trigger you to feel awkward. And work like mad on your rapport skills. Pace pace lead....

Mog wrote:

Off the top of my head I would suggest doing the Cleaning perceptual positions process, to clean up your interpretations first, and follow it up with getting a nice strong circle of excellence anchored to the very people who used to trigger you to feel awkward. And work like mad on your rapport skills. Pace pace lead....

Thank you,
Ill take a look at these and post some updates, I really appreciate your quick reply .
Regards,
Dayten

When you get near these other people, is it possible that you are pacing their awkwardness?

PhilFarber wrote:

When you get near these other people, is it possible that you are pacing their awkwardness?

See I've wondered that because when I am with people I am comfortable with, I am so aware of how comfortable they are around me, sometimes to the point where almost all boundaries come down and its that feeling of...meaning, connection, closeness. Then sometimes im with people and I feel so awkward, but its normally in larger groups so I thought I possibly had a fear of public performance, but when I'm comfortable, or per se, drunk, or with people I know and respect and who know my level of thinking, its great, and Im just part of a gang.

Then there are other times with close friends where it feels like I cant talk to them and there are those boundaries mentioned earlier and its shitty, because I like these people, but it feels like I am holding myself back, there is definitely a fear of rejection there, but why can I have this sometimes and such an abscence of it with others. Its baffling, and I know I am becoming better in every way every day, its just down trodding sometimes to have these feelings I have been slowly but surely turning into more personally desirable traits affecting me and returning my behavior to that of an unskilled conversationalist.

Hi Dayten

Please look at your last reply and note the words you use in your description of the various scenarios. This is a reflection of your internal dialogue and my perception is that you may benefit from some self esteem work as there are no 'tricks' for self-confidence, only strategies.
Don't become 'bogged down' in the process of achieving excellence, just relax, be curious, have fun and have faith in yourself and then .... the inherent excellence within you will manifest itself.

Thank you Larry!
Although considering NLP would that perhaps be better rephrased as:

There is no reason to become 'bogged down' in the process of achieving excellence, if you just relax, be curious, have fun and have faith in yourself, then the inherent excellence within you will manifest itself.

For myself anyway that would be a very positive statement to play with.

DaytenJ wrote:

Thank you Larry!
Although considering NLP would that perhaps be better rephrased as:

There is no reason to become 'bogged down' in the process of achieving excellence, if you just relax, be curious, have fun and have faith in yourself, then the inherent excellence within you will manifest itself.

For myself anyway that would be a very positive statement to play with.

That's right