Hello,

The meaning of the title of this thread is two fold:

1) the ONLY area in my life that isn't proficient is social confidence, connecting with people, gaining rapport, i normally hide what i want to say even when it's totally fine...the list goes on basically anything social!

2) No matter area i'm working on, i've been trying to do NLP by myself for a while with no luck.

I was wondering more than anything else, all of your opinions on doing NLP completely individually. I have no doubts that if i met someone who knew what they were doing they could fix me up real quick but i'm having lots of trouble fixing myself up.

specifically, i have a really hard time with submodalities...when i do change them i don't notice significant changes.

I've tried reframing a couple of times, and i can't get a response from any parts, or perhaps i don't notice them, or perhaps i'm asking the question wrong, should i be asking myself out loud or internally???

If anyone wanted to advise me on my social problems that's fine but mainly what i'm curious about here is a good way to use NLP on yourself effectively, i've spent more time reading NLP than trying it sure, but there has not been one time where i was like OH that swish pattern really worked or anything like that.

I've also tried anchoring myself more than anything else and i don't notice anything significant, i think this also has to do with how i can't change state well and am very stoic!!

thanks guys!

Have a listen to this -

Keeping the joy | Jamie Dixon

John

hm just listened to it, seems cool and all but i don't see how it relates to the original post!

The audio suggests that it is often a good idea to get someone else work with you.

There is a REALY Good Book called "7 Responses for Rapport" that was written by a guy known as Tung.

I think it will solve alot of your problems, even though it's not NLP.

Hey Alex,

How's it going? First off, I just want to say, if an NLP technique isn't working for you, try something different. And I mean, try ANYTHING. It doesn't have to be an NLP technique necessarily. Sometimes just knowing what to do in a situation can be all that's needed to relieve stress or anxiety. Sometimes it's a matter of doing a few things. Sometimes only one thing.

If you're anxious about not knowing how to keep conversation, learn from people that are good conversationalists. Notice their attitudes or their behavior and what they talk about. Notice the difference between people that act too formal and people who seem comfortable in their dealings with other people and import some of those behaviors into your own personality. I think the main thing is learning to relax and loosen up and have some fun. And also, if needed, learn some interesting or fun things to talk about. Check out some books on conversation and listen to and watch comedy just for the fun of it and to get you in a good mood.

hey JT,

i really liked your response, i have always been a fan of comedy and watch it regularly, but i don't think it would hurt at all to do it more frequently, kinda like how hanging out frequently with someone who is confident makes you more confident.

There are definitely areas of my life that i need to work on, but what i want to stress is that i am not worried about them or anything else. I know they will be fixed, might take a year, or 5, or might happen one day a couple weeks from now. Hm. I have faith in NLP, and i think this post is an expression of my frustration more than anything else, i KNOW it will work and i love everything about it, just haven't seen much success in using it.

Furthermore when i tell people about it they don't really listen or believe in it, i have to prove to them it works i guess...eh that's all i got for now, i'm going to try and find that book by tung.

thank you all!

arcampan wrote:

I was wondering more than anything else, all of your opinions on doing NLP completely individually. I have no doubts that if i met someone who knew what they were doing they could fix me up real quick but i'm having lots of trouble fixing myself up.

I have had wonderful success in using NLP "completely individually". I stopped a social phobia I had for over 10 years, created a new positive outlook, eliminated bad habits including smoking, nail biting, and nervous behavior, and generally made a whole new life for myself. Then I started talking to other people. I highly recommend Hall & Bodenhammer's User Manual for the Brain, a very comprehensive NLP guide and the core of the training that showed me how to change.

arcampan wrote:

specifically, i have a really hard time with submodalities...when i do change them i don't notice significant changes.

To what extent have you calibrated your own submodalities? You need to know which ones to change and what direction to change them in. If that doesn't work, try something else. You need to learn flexibility, submodalities are only one tool available to you.

arcampan wrote:

I've tried reframing a couple of times, and i can't get a response from any parts, or perhaps i don't notice them, or perhaps i'm asking the question wrong, should i be asking myself out loud or internally???

Reframing is about changing the context of something in order to change the meaning. The "response" you get is a new outlook on something that used to be a problem. For example, you state "the ONLY area in my life that isn't proficient is social confidence, connecting with people, gaining rapport, i normally hide what i want to say even when it's totally fine...the list goes on basically anything social!", but you could reframe that into the past by understanding that its only how you USED to be, and your future is completely open. Check out Hall's Mind-lines or Dilts' Sleight of Mouth for an in-depth look at reframing your limiting beliefs.

arcampan wrote:

I've also tried anchoring myself more than anything else and i don't notice anything significant, i think this also has to do with how i can't change state well and am very stoic!!

You need to get past those limiting beliefs. If you couldn't change state well, you wouldn't know the difference between emotions. You just haven't learned mastery over your states yet, but it will come to you. Everything you thought you knew about yourself is about to change as you unlock the doors of your own mind. Those limiting beliefs will shatter like glass as they fall down to the floor.

arcampan wrote:

If anyone wanted to advise me on my social problems that's fine but mainly what i'm curious about here is a good way to use NLP on yourself effectively, i've spent more time reading NLP than trying it sure, but there has not been one time where i was like OH that swish pattern really worked or anything like that.

Study more. Practice more. Take the time to fully absorb and internalize everything. You didnt say in this thread what your training consisted of but I get the impression it hasn't been absorbed completely yet. If you've only been reading books, check out some audio courses, or videos, or better yet, attend a live training if you can afford it. This will allow you to be exposed on the channels you learn best from. Trance yourself out with understanding!

By reframing I think he meant the six step reframing not content and context reframing (anyone else think these shoud have a different name to avoid confusion?) You could try doing it whilst listening to a theta brain wave meditation cd. this should help a lot. you may also be getting a response but not realising it. remembr the signal coud come in the form of a feeling, a picture, a sound or even internal dialogue! for example if you suddenly get an itchy foot when you ask for a signal then thats the signal. Even if you think you might be imagining it, it's fine because you ARE imagining it, thats the point.

Steve