Hey guys,

I have had this hobby for several years now. Each day for about 45 min to 2 hours (all through the day, intervals of 20 min or so), I will go out side and walk around my pool while listening to my ipod. When I go outside, I usually just day dream about me being very extroverted and meeting women.

I don't particularly like this habbit. Life is too short to be doing this every day. I don't need the exercise I work out at other times. I feel as if it is a waste of time and I could be learning/doing something new. It frustrates me but if I don't go outside and do this I begin to feel uneasy.

I am very new to NLP, can anyone explain why I partake in this hobby? Should I get rid of it or is it just a good way to relieve stress?

All input is greatly appreciated, thank you!

Hi Ben

You have built yourself a hobby ritual- humans run by the process of patterning- when you go to work or college or school or to the shops, or to a friends house, you will take the same route and in most cases cross the rounds in the same places, if your walking, if driving your park in the same spot, etc, for few days- notice the times you do this hobby (star-end)- 3 days will be enough- with in a week or so, create a day where you can have a lot of free time- now go find some music that you really dislike- put it on your ipod. now- on this free day- do the hobby over and over walk around the pool listen to the crap music, only time it for 3-5 minutes only- stop the music then go and sit down for a few minutes- 5-7 then play some really cool music and go for a walk- or take care of some e-mail 15-20 minutes- with the good music playing- repeat that until walking around the pool is boring as boring as can be- yet keep at it- Now each time to go and do something else- increase the time you do the other stuff and decrease the hobby- at some point it will just blow out and you can then choose- if and when you do the hobby or not-

J

How about taking it to a public pool where there are actual women? More food for fantasy, at the very least.

It's interesting that you are attempting to characterize your habit (behavior) as good or bad. At that level of thinking, you are bound to run into a number of obstacles to changing it.

This is because whatever we are doing, at least at the unconscious level, it is perceived as desirable in meeting some need. One of the most important presuppositions in NLP is that every behavior has a positive intention. No matter how negative the behavior may be. In other words, what you are doing and why you are doing it are two separate issues.

Since you are not consciously choosing this behavior ("it frustrates me"), then a part of you is using the behavior of walking around the pool in an attempt to meet some unconscious intention. Otherwise, you would not be doing it. You would be able to just stop now and be comfortable with that new decision.

So I'd like you to fully consider the question, "If you were to know, what's the positive intention of this habit? " "What is it you are trying to feel, experience, or get through doing this behavior?" Notice that the thing that you want and the way that you are going about getting it are probably not congruent. It's like the person who creates anxiety in order to relax.

I would recommend (because you are not listed as an NLP practitioner) that you find someone to help you through an NLP process and do some changework around this issue, particularly if it is affecting the quality of your life and choices.

In lieu of that, I would strongly suggest that finding a more satisfying and fulfilling way to meet your highest intention is the first step to creating a more effective and congruent behavior - one that meets your unconscious intention at least as well as, if not better than, your current habit of walking around the pool.

For instance, if the positive intention was "to relax", instead of trying to develop a new way to do the old habit (do it in a new environment) or substitute a random habit for the old, I would find or design a congruent healthy habit that meets the unconscious need "to relax".

Wishing you a 'peace' in the puzzle,

Lucia

mindopoly wrote:

It's interesting that you are attempting to characterize your habit (behavior) as good or bad. At that level of thinking, you are bound to run into a number of obstacles to changing it.

This is because whatever we are doing, at least at the unconscious level, it is perceived as desirable in meeting some need. One of the most important presuppositions in NLP is that every behavior has a positive intention. No matter how negative the behavior may be. In other words, what you are doing and why you are doing it are two separate issues.

Since you are not consciously choosing this behavior ("it frustrates me"), then a part of you is using the behavior of walking around the pool in an attempt to meet some unconscious intention. Otherwise, you would not be doing it. You would be able to just stop now and be comfortable with that new decision.

So I'd like you to fully consider the question, "If you were to know, what's the positive intention of this habit? " "What is it you are trying to feel, experience, or get through doing this behavior?" Notice that the thing that you want and the way that you are going about getting it are probably not congruent. It's like the person who creates anxiety in order to relax.

I would recommend (because you are not listed as an NLP practitioner) that you find someone to help you through an NLP process and do some changework around this issue, particularly if it is affecting the quality of your life and choices.

In lieu of that, I would strongly suggest that finding a more satisfying and fulfilling way to meet your highest intention is the first step to creating a more effective and congruent behavior - one that meets your unconscious intention at least as well as, if not better than, your current habit of walking around the pool.

For instance, if the positive intention was "to relax", instead of trying to develop a new way to do the old habit (do it in a new environment) or substitute a random habit for the old, I would find or design a congruent healthy habit that meets the unconscious need "to relax".

Wishing you a 'peace' in the puzzle,

Lucia

WOW That is very much enlightening and helpful. It would make sense also, perhaps the reason I have been active in this behavior is because I am a pretty lonely person... And when my social needs aren't met my unconcious way of dealing with it is by daydreaming about being a much more social person, could this be true? I don't know what healthy substitute there could be for this habit else than to meet more people and become more social and get rid of that unconcious desire. But this is very difficult task.. And I am still curious if I really even need to "relax" or if I just need this social need met..

But thank you! Any more insight or methods would be appreciated

Ben, the daydreaming is just fine. Everyone daydreams. It is one of the ways that we learn, plan and rehearse for our physical lives. We use daydreams to experience the states that help us to become who we want to be.

You just haven't yet worked out a piece of your daydream - how to get from walking around the pool, to walking around with girls.

Hi Ben

If you are asking for a judgment call on your hobby, I would have to say "bad one".

For one it is a habit rather than a hobby.

More obviously, how can you expect to socialise with the people you say you want to meet with a pair of headphones stuck in your ears ?

MH

Eddy, it depends on what you want. If you want to meet girls and this is helping you to do that, then it is fine. If you want to meet girls and this is a substitute for that, then it seems like a problem.

You mention that you don't like this habit. If that is the case, then you have to figure out why you are doing something that you don't like. It could just be that you want to meet girls - but are afraid. This would be a substitute for that. Not uncommon really.

Dasein

eddy10188 wrote:

Hey guys,

I have had this hobby for several years now. Each day for about 45 min to 2 hours (all through the day, intervals of 20 min or so), I will go out side and walk around my pool while listening to my ipod. When I go outside, I usually just day dream about me being very extroverted and meeting women.

I don't particularly like this habbit. Life is too short to be doing this every day. I don't need the exercise I work out at other times. I feel as if it is a waste of time and I could be learning/doing something new. It frustrates me but if I don't go outside and do this I begin to feel uneasy.

I am very new to NLP, can anyone explain why I partake in this hobby? Should I get rid of it or is it just a good way to relieve stress?

All input is greatly appreciated, thank you!

Hey guys,

I appreciate all of your input, and I have taken it into great consideration. I did something a bit impulsive the other day. While I was partaking in this strange behavior, I was walking around the pool and getting very upset about it. I got so frusterated by it that I actually threw my ipod in my pool and walked away. Although this was a bit brash, I think it is a good thing. I know all of my actions have a good intent, but I want to deal with this part of my life in a different way. I want to solve the real problem. I will face all kinds of challenges, meet all sorts of people, and grow tremendously from these experiences.

Thank you for your help guys,

Ben

You go, Ben!

eddy10188 wrote:

I got so frusterated by it that I actually threw my ipod in my pool and walked away. Although this was a bit brash, I think it is a good thing.

If Richard Bandler had been there he probably would have done it for you.

Well done.

John

If we hit that bulls-eye then the rest of their dominoes will fall like a house of cards and it’s checkmate