Hello there, I'm Martin. I'm still relitivly new to NLP but I've been studding it for a few months and have got a weekend course coming up soon.

The tools and knowlage I have lernt so far has been so good for me, its enabled me to address problems I had last year with anxioty and self-esteem, I'm currantly approuching my degree show at art uni in Brighton and have been reserching NLP material for influnce in a musical compostion made up of launguage patterns, but it was through that intially reserch I became aware just how much more NLP can offer me on a personal level.

However, where many problems have been defused a new one has appeared. My close freinds are starting to show sceptisism over NLP and worries over my intrests in the practise. I have become or expressive and articulate in how I comunicate, which most of the time works well but when it comes to my close freinds they seem to see this change in behaviour as perhaps more than meets the eye, and a couple of people have commented that I sound it sounds like I'm part of a cult. I bring it up fairly often but no more than my other mate brings up football or my housemate brings up shoes but there stuck with there suspisions, mabye the optimism I express sounds to good to be true, and I've fallen under some spell.

I know they mean well, but I'm still studdying and learning valuble info from this practise, and I don't like the fact that my closest freinds show such negativity over somthing thats filled me with so much joy. I try my best to explain that I am very much in control of my own destiny and always have been, but then they only suspect I'm trying to use some jedi mind trick to "convert" them. Any advise would be dearly appretiated.
Thank you

It sounds like your friends may just be sick of hearing you talk about NLP and how you're using it on yourself. Talk about other stuff around your friends. Get all your NLP talk out on this forum, with people who are at least kinda-sorta interested in hearing about it.

Yup, regular folk just aint interested. Many people study NLP in the hopes of learning some trick that will help with their social skills or creativity or whatever. But in reality the first "trick" they learn is how to alienate their friends and family.

My advice is keep what you learn to yourself in the real world and be happy that you have these skills.

Hello Martin. There are a myriad of reasons why this can happen. One is that you have changed for the better and people simply don't like it because they might not be able to get their own selfish needs from you. Another reason is because there is the danger of turning into a sanctimonious picky tw@. Apologies for the french word but I am sure most will agree they have come across one, I was in danger of that myself and requested explicitly to my close friends to pull me up at even the slightest hint of it.
You say you have been more articulate do you mind if I ask and here comes the tw@y bit - how specifically?
If you are trying to use language patterns you can just sound weird especially if they know you and especially if you are not doing it elegantly. If you met someone trying on you, you may have a reference point for how weird it feels when someone tries it and they do not realise how crap they are - they think there being clever.
I have heard this a few times. One of my friends (CBTer) said "you know what I don't like about NLP practitioners is all this power positivity and this weird intense stare". I remember thinking "well I don't do that, that's a bit strange". I myself came across one for the first time and I can tell you its extremely offensive. People get seduced by aspects of NLP and create an alternate reality not noticing whats in front of them. Luckily you have and maybe you have the ability to pay attention when you get these responses. This will allow you to figure out what it is they are objecting to. What is your intention for talking about/doing it with friends? Remember - behavioural flexibility is vital if you want to be effective. If something is not working do something different.

Well theres two senarious that result in this concerned behaviour my freinds show.
First off is when I'll offer advise to freinds who express problems, (which is somthing I've always done as I've always been a netural figure socially.) The difference now is rather than just saying the usual, "don't worry mate," or "you'll be fine" I will be more articulate in reasuring them, more expansive vocbulary, which if anything is a product of having more confidene in myself, which no doubt is thanks to some nlp exersises.
So vocabulary may be an issue, and is somthing I might have to ask. Only tricky thing is how to ask if I'm being to wordy without sounding patrinising. The fluidity of my voice is also alot better, infact it might be the case that this is just a passing phase and my freinds will reajust after a bit. And I can reajust in the same prosses. I havent consiously been applying nlp patterns socailly or anything like that, the most I think I have done is pick up on the odd preseperstion.

As for the personal reservations over the practise of NLP that my freinds express that the other senarious when the topic of conversation turns to NLP. I can get by now with the mild sinicisms of passing, (having diplomatic debates ect.) But i think the main sorce of the problem is one freind inparticulour, he is quite adimently sinical, ironically he has many persuasion skill second nature to him, and these skill brush of on any of my other freinds present, swaying them to jump on the band wagon in making an argument over the "unethical" issues of NLP.

This all started as a harmless debate between me and him when I first started looking at nlp, but 3 or 4 months down the line and he's clearly unhappy about my continuing intrest. We've been good freinds for years and always told each other about our problems, its possible he might feel threatened by it, because he aknowlages that I am a happier person now, but he refuses to think that it because of nlp. I agree with him, I say "I know that, I made myself happier, and I used many nlp tools to do that." Despite me saying this he won't stop thinking that I look at nlp like its some absolute entity, or religious belief system. If I had to make an observation, I think he thinks I'm under a spell, and thats why he flat out refuses to hear me out. He's now the one who brings up the topic of nlp as well, I'd happily acknowlage his personal opinions, if he could just respect that I've found happiness in my own way. Or at very least appretiate I'm happy and that I'm happy doing the things I choose to do.

You covered alot of this in what you said, and I will certainly take it into account, I have from starting this tread realised that this guy is the pressing issue, if I can respond to him the right way, the rest will be easy. Thank you

Hi Martin,

Welcome to the club. I and many other I know have had similar experiences usually right after we had the experience of learning NLP.

Prior to learning NLP we were friends, husbands, wives, or related in some other way to the people around us. And then after we learnt NLP, everytime any one discussed of any thing which can be considered a problem, then instantly we were getting transformed into this magic genie wanting to solve their so called problem whereas previous to learning NLP, we were just US.

The beauty about NLP is that you can use a lot of the NLP processes without having to overtly name them as NLP processes. This is the part which took me a while to get a good grip over. After that, I still get the satisfcation of using NLP processes and yet to all the other, I am still the old me.

I'll third the suggestion given by Chris & Steven. Talk about other stuff around your friends. Get all your NLP talk out on this forum.

At least to start with.

Good luck and once again - welcome.

Regards,

- Anil

Hi Martin,

Fascinating topic. You say one friend in particular feels threatened by NLP - that is their issue, not yours. Personal change can sometimes hold up a mirror to other people's issues and inflexibilities.

You don't need to justify or defend your position. Thank your friend for their concern and their misplaced belief that you may have the power to 'convert' them against their will - but this is your own clear-minded journey and you respect everyone's individuality as much as your own.

As previous posts have intimated, just continue to be 'the new you' without any specific NLP talk with your friends (and for heaven's sake, don't use the Meta-Model on them!).

As for saying that it sounds like you're part of a cult, remind them NLP is simply an efficient way to manage your own brain. There is no leader, no religious dogma or worship, and certainly no brainwashing. It's about you.

Like any self-realisation, you're entitled to feel joyfully optimistic - you're in charge of your own brain after all! If they would like to know more, they can ask you when they're ready.

All the best