Greetings to all. My name is Arlo, 29 year old male in Oregon, USA. I was introduced to NLP quite by accident a few months ago, and after discovering how easily I could get over a social anxiety/phobia I had for over 10 years, quickly developed a hunger for more.

Since then I've studied extensively, books, videos, audio, you name it. And I've been practicing in a lot of different ways with varying degrees of success. I've had the most success in practicing overt and covert therapy on my friends, but very little success in trying to meet people.

Although I've been practicing in real life as well, its my internet personals success I'm most concerned with, as I haven't gotten a single reply to one of my carefully crafted messages, and I joined primarily to seek alternate opinions on what I'm doing to that end.

So I look forward to the opportunity to learn in this new way.

Here's a link to my thread requesting constructive criticism of my profile
Feedback on Use of NLP in Personals Site Profile

thank you

arlo_ben wrote:

Greetings to all. My name is Arlo, 29 year old male in Oregon, USA. I was introduced to NLP quite by accident a few months ago, and after discovering how easily I could get over a social anxiety/phobia I had for over 10 years, quickly developed a hunger for more.

Since then I've studied extensively, books, videos, audio, you name it. And I've been practicing in a lot of different ways with varying degrees of success. I've had the most success in practicing overt and covert therapy on my friends, but very little success in trying to meet people.

Although I've been practicing in real life as well, its my internet personals success I'm most concerned with, as I haven't gotten a single reply to one of my carefully crafted messages, and I joined primarily to seek alternate opinions on what I'm doing to that end.

So I look forward to the opportunity to learn in this new way.

Here's a link to my thread requesting constructive criticism of my profile
Feedback on Use of NLP in Personals Site Profile

thank you

Arol,

Welcome to the forum.

I take it from your post that you have had little success in trying to meet people I have two quick and easy methods...

1. Walk up to a complete stranger and say "good morning" and you can say that you have met someone

2. walk out of your home with a blindfold on there is a possibility that you could bump into someone then you can say that this technique is also a success as you have met someone...

I think that it is great that your success rate has been low it means that you have lots of opportunities to improve on your technique and increase your success rate at the same time. This is the best place to come for good constructive critique and advice..

All the best,

Jason

Thank you Jason.

I appreciate your reframe, but I fear I did not communicate my message entirely adequately. In person, I am quite resourceful at walking up to people and speaking with them now.

I can thank L. Michael Hall and Bob Bodenhammer for having written the incredible User Manual for the Brain that gave me the learnings I needed to begin that amazing change in my life.

The problem I was having is in a more limited forum, particularly an online personals site. While I have every intention to continue talking to people in the real world, I relish the challenge of using these skills in the most limited communication possible, that being type, where a person has no tonality, no body language, and has to rely on a very limited set of communication tools.

What actually happened there, was my rate of responses sharply decreased after going over to Milton Model language, and even after several revisions of my use of the model, has not increased again even back to the "baseline".

We all meet like-minded people when we get involved in the things that honestly interest and motivate us. You've just met a few people here, by interacting on the subject of NLP that apparently interests you.

By the way, thinking of text as "limited" is, in my opinion, a mistake. Text is just as rich in cues as face-to-face communication - it's just that we usually aren't trained to notice them (and, for the most part, NLP courses and books are concerned with offline communication).

Beginning later this month, I'll be offering an online course in the use of NLP in text communication. It might be something you'd benefit from - and may also be a good place to meet like-minded people!

Words and the World, NLP Online Course with Philip H. Farber

If I were to assign a perfectly arbitrary judgment, I would say that the very best thing you said in that was that its a mistake to think of online text as limited.

The reason I say that is because you're absolutely right. I was arbitrarily limiting myself by thinking about it as a limited form of communication, instead of looking for all the richness it contains.

I may indeed be interested in your Words and World course, the next time it comes around, I can see how it might be very practical and insightful.

Thank you for helping me to deframe that limiting belief and giving me the opportunity to consider your online course.

Hello Arlo,

I read over your online introduction of yourself. My honest opinion is that it does not sound, feel and look genuine. It gives me the sense as you being unreal, over the top, not human.
Yes, it is a carefully crafted message. Write a book as your language sounds beautiful (wonderful use of the Milton model, just nil and nothing about your true you), but simply horrific if you want to meet real people.
I truly, sincerely do not want to be rude to you. Just if I read it, I found what on earth, is this a real person or a marionette coated in sugar.

I know this is no constructive criticism, added to that I have NIL whatsoever experience in this type of ads. Hope you get some good advise.

best regards and much success in developing a good online introduction, so that many girls reply to you
Edel

hehe actually I am also working on a book, thank you for the suggestion But yeah I get the impression that is the effect I actually had. Responses are back up after a complete rewrite based on the input I've gotten here, largely by PhilFarber.

I also began experimenting with some of the "conversation cracking" techniques in the article on this site as a foundation for initial contact messages. Here is the article, by Stephen Brooks.

Hints and tips on conversation management « NLP Connections

After writing just 3 contact messages yesterday, I got at least one reply in less than 24 hours, with a lot of great communication in it, and my reply to that was answered promptly, with a lot of rapport and interest beginning to show up. And thats without even having a picture on my profile. Once I add the picture, it should deepen the interest I am able to cultivate significantly.

As a matter of academic interest, I will post the new version of the profile.

Oh, good luck with your book.


Where will you post the new version. It sure would be interesting.

Fine that you had good response with it.

Edel

Thank you for your support of my book

The original thread with the inadequate profile now has the more realistic data too. Here is the link to that thread.

http://www.nlpconnections.com/nlp-seduction-relationships/13090-feedback-use-nlp-personals-site-profile.html

Thanks again for your input

Hello Arlo,

wow this is soooooooo much better. It comes accross very well.

Good luck with it and good luck with your goals.

Edel

Edel wrote:

Hello Arlo,

wow this is soooooooo much better. It comes accross very well.

Good luck with it and good luck with your goals.

Edel

thank you, I appreciate your feedback