This isn't about NLP and seduction - but about NLP the feelings of love...

I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject.

When states can be changed, warm loving feelings can be elicited, positive anchors set, negative anchors deleted, wonderful memories connected through gestalts/ values identified and satisfied, love strategies elicited and covered, any old flames reframed, common goals and shared futures set in time-line... it seems as if one could construct and then programme the feelings of deep love for another... it could be almost anybody?

... what happens to "true love "soul mates" ....what happens to the other person? It's as if one masterfully applied NLP the other person becomes interchangeable, as long as they keep supplying the juice and behaving accordingly? kind of depressing...

Hello Nina,

Interesting thoughts... I quite frequently use positive anchors, music specifically music that I have listened to when with my soul mate. When we are not together and I am feeling low and need a lift all I have to do is start playing a specific track, for example a Sigur Ros song which immeadiately transports me to a moment in time when we were together and connected. I find that my mood lifts and I become relaxed and at one again.

I think as far as programming a relationship with NLP is concerned, I feel that there would have to be a degree of empathy and connectedness initially between the 2 people and then maybe this could be built upon and strengthened using the techniques you mentioned and a favourite for me would be meta mirroring, to help resolve misunderstandings and potential conflict.

Have you heard about Creative Couplework? Here's a link with a very generous preview of the book written by Nick Duffel and his wife Helena Lovendale;

Sex, love and the dangers of ... - Google Books

Take care

....surely there is something deeper though? I have empathy and connectedness with lots of people, including my mate, but if it can all be constructed artificially... I guess that's my concern ... then love becomes just another "state", which I guess technically it is, and the one I love - the object of my affection exactly that which I shine my loving gaze upon...

that seems a bit depressing to me.... surely there is something deeper a soul (?) that NLP can't touch and change...? Since I haven't yet found some pain or upset or problem that NLP can't cope with, I am wondering if also in the joys and light of life ... if nlp reaches every corner there as well or is there some part of us that is unreachable... a soul, true love...

Hi Nina,

I remember reading somewhere (wow, helpful!) that the submodalities of 'soul mate'-level love are highly resistive to tinkering, eg, the act of changing the representations of a disliked person into the characteristics of a soul mate or close relative will be met with strong unconscious resistance and dismissal of the move. Also, neutral feelings won't stay in this area - it appears to be reserved for those closest.

So could a cynical manipulator gain access to this special place? We know that attraction, lust, fascination, etc. have been elicited by many, but IMO true love is much more complex. I think it functions deeply at the core beliefs, values and identity level; maybe with persistence it could be approximated, but love also needs to be maintained day-to-day - that's a lot of full-time faking that would surely put off all but the most committed control freak or sociopath.

I also think that true love has "mystery ingredient x" that defies elicitation... but I'll get back to you on that

B

i look forward to reading about mystery ingredient x...

I remember many moons ago when first learning nlp - I burst out to my trainer "this stuff is like magic" and he laughed and said that actually the first book on nlp was called the structure of magic... i guess the student is complaining having learnt so much ... and now the magic is gone ...but surely not form love!

C'mon Nina, the magic isn't gone - like love, it gets more powerful over time - just sometimes less notice-able from the inside!

Is 'true love' just a state like anxiety or anger? I think it goes beyond model-able workings to the extent that (IMO) there is no reliable recipe that can reproduce true love's myriad of feelings in every context.

I once considered the old notion that we are just organic machines running programs, and while that can be a useful model for approaching certain problem states, it does a crude dis-service to basic humanity - love, compassion, etc. have no obvious "use", but our species would fail without them - and good riddance!

I suppose you could try to dissect how love works, or maybe just allow yourself to enjoy it effortlessly... as they say

I think there is an untouchable core ... I am curious to hear what others think.... and how they have explored the subject ... how far can you go?

as for the magic - of course its gone! Magic is only magic when you don't know what is going on behind the surface... doesn't make it any less powerful in fact the opposite!

Numerous experiences, observations, and experiences in seduction and relationships, as well as general observations of others, has led to the conclusion that ‘love’ is self-deception, but more-so, love is (1) Attraction and (2) Control.

Immense attraction is very much a natural thing, and is in fact best created naturally (arousal). Love however is the desire to possess and control the object of attraction, and has been ‘romanticized’ by society (religion, novels, parents, etc) as a way to control attraction/sex. Control is not natural, afterall Jessica Biel or Johnny Depp are no less attractive because you’re in a relationship.

If you remove the attraction element from love, all that remains is control... notice the heavy emphasis on the investment of time, trust, and resources, as well as other behavioral norms. Confusion that attraction implies control element causes many problems, it is quite common for someone “in love” to be scammed out of thousands of dollars or dreams destroyed. Some are even coerced into prostitution. To varying degrees, I can guarantee most here have had similar experiences and observed many more.

Manipulating a relationship to conform to society relationship ideals is unnatural, unhealthy, and even dangerous. Removing the control element of ‘love’ is freeing.... Enjoying another person for the ways you interact best ‘naturally,’ and the ways you receive the most mutual pleasure, is by far a much better experience.

P.S. My current relationship is amazing ... for many reasons... a few highlights are...

We’re both have a strong desire to experience the most in life, as well as a no-bullshit approach to human interaction. NO games, bullshit, expectations, judgments, or manipulation... We’re direct about our desires, and have an open invitation to come over at any time... and more than enough sex to make eachother feel like a piece of meat.

Hi Nina,
there are other factors that go beyond NLP such as human needs psychology. Whatever psychological angle you have on authentic love it always seems to be ambiguous. I do believe there is a level above anything we can measure with any psychological analysis. I do believe NLP can be magic just like when you see an amazing card or stage trick for the first time. When you know how it works then it is just science. Things like authentic love, fulfillment, miracles are something beyond structure I believe.

Seb

Sebwalace wrote:

When you know how it works then it is just science. Things like authentic love, fulfillment, miracles are something beyond structure I believe.

This assumes that you're treating NLP as something you do than something you are. There are NLPers for whom NLP is a state of being and not a bunch of techniques.