Apologies if this steps on discussions that have already been had on this forum, but I am wondering what influence NLP can have on sexuality. I am not talking about a black and white, 'gay to straight' change, but more the removal of any doubts. I have always considered myself straight, but have entertained curiosity about having homosexual relationships. I have been with women, but never with men, so perhaps it would be inaccurate to describe me as 'bi-sexual'.
I would say that 'naturally' I am straight; if I were to walk into a crowded mixed-sex room my natural, first and only sexual response would be to scan that room for women I found attractive. I have had deep emotional and physical attractions to women, whereas my attractions to men are sporadic and no more than sexually intriguing.
A lot of my homosexual thoughts I might put down to 'nurture'. I went to an all boys school, so with little female contact I harboured more homosexual interest there than I ever did at university where there were plenty of women around. While I was not exactly promiscuous, my sexual interest was far more firmly rooted to heterosexuality.
I have not had a terrific relationship history and I have always struggled to hit it off with women. My worry is that harbouring homosexual desires almost as a fetish might affect my confidence with women. That said, can such thoughts be removed with NLP? Can whatever behavioural pattern that makes me curious about same sex relationships be altered?
I have read on these forums a lot about ecology and only making changes that the patient can easily adapt to and which best suit his goals. While I can accept that sometimes same sex attractions happen, in terms of relationships with friends and my family and in terms of my long term romantic goals of some day being married and having children, I would say that the best outcome for me is to lose any lingering doubts about my sexuality and reaffirm myself as straight and try to improve my confidence with dealing with women.
Thanks in advance for your advice.

Hello,

I think it might be simpler, and perhaps healthier, to consider using NLP to remove any guilt or negativity about these feelings. I think it’s perfectly normal to fantasise about sex with men and women (whatever your sexuality).

In my experience most heterosexual women will admit to having fantasies about sex with women but far fewer heterosexual men will admit their fantasies about men. It may be they don't have them but I doubt it.

As you say you are mostly straight, so just go for that, and let the rest remain a fantasy. Maybe NLP can help you with that.

Good luck with this.

Bryan, I think there is no need to be anxious or concerned about this. It may just be that you are curious about your sexuality and just want to explore more about it. If it is so, in time it should settle down. Meanwhile, as Steve said, you can use NLP to remove any negative assoications you have with regard to this issue.

Vivek.

Bryan

If you knew without any shadow of a doubt, precisely what your sexuality is, what is it that you would then be able to do that you cannot do at the moment?

John

Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times

Hi guys, thanks for your responses. Basically, I want to feel more confident in forming relationships with women, I wonder whether these doubts might have been hindering that.
Do you all believe then, that rather than attempt to remove them, I should try to realise that they should form no barrier to my forming successful relationships with women? And that my confidence issues around women may not even be linked to that, but to something entirely separate? NLP may be able to help with this perhaps?

Bryan Hartson wrote:

Hi guys, thanks for your responses. Basically, I want to feel more confident in forming relationships with women.....

Bryan

If you had all the confidence you needed, what is it that you would then be able to do that you cannot do at the moment?

John

The future often has a way of arriving unannounced

z8000783 wrote:

Bryan

If you had all the confidence you needed, what is it that you would then be able to do that you cannot do at the moment?

John

The future often has a way of arriving unannounced

Hi John,

Summed up in a word - seduce. If I had all the confidence I needed I'd be able to take a women I am attracted to make her attracted to me.

Hi Bryan, you don't know a woman is not attracted to you unless she says so.
Fom what you have written in your posts my guess for what it's worth is that your natural inclination is toward attracting females. Your boarding school upbringing did not prapare you for a world which is more than 50% female. You just need to get some more experience and confidence. Its natural to notice and be attracted to the same sex as well that is not alway a sexual thing some people are just great to be around. NLP is about modeling the things that work. If you find it works for you use it. Apart from drugs that is.

Bryan,

Do you think that you have to decide one way or another? Straight or gay? Or can you decide to be whatever makes you happy without labeling it?

Or can you decide to not decide yet?

If it is to build a bond with a lady and achieve the family status you can still do that while finding other men exciting. Many me achieve this while finding other women exciting so why should it be any different?

To be honest I do not know much about the lifestyle or problems to which you refer so please accept this comment as well intended if a little misguided. I am sure there are bisexual or gay women who want children, would a relationship with this kind of background allow you to express whatever desires you have and you know they would fall on appreciative and tollerant ears? This could be in a tradional 'loving' relationship or one born out of practical and mutual gain (the child). I think what I am trying to say is that rather than try to avoid or supress any feelings why not build the true you (dont try and label yourself) into your future relationships complete with the ambiguity?

Good luck buddy,

Matt

Bryan Hartson wrote:

Hi John,

Summed up in a word - seduce. If I had all the confidence I needed I'd be able to take a women I am attracted to make her attracted to me.

so when she's attracted to you, what does that mean about you?

Have fun

Bart