I recounted something I'd done to a friend who does NLP, and she said 'Ah, you're a polarity responder'.

Never mind what the content and context of the incident was, my take is that I made a considered choice which happened to be to go into a different direction than someone had proposed. Is that itself still a polarity response, or would it have to be more automatic to be included in that category?

(I note with amusement that what I'm telling myself here is 'I'm not a polarity responder'...)

I thought it was more automatic to be included in that category. I may be wrong. I always thought of it as a habit some people engage in-not a choice and not really thought about. Somewhere along the conscious level of "ummm" or "errrr" when speaking. Or perhaps it's similar to being positive or negative in outlook. As for when does a choice or series of choices become a habit-I don't have the foggiest notion.

I would think that it had to be automatic otherwise there is little logical reason to have the term. All contra responses would then be polarity responses and that would simply be confusing and rather pointless. Also, you could simply say that he/she was also a polarity responder and you both would be right.

Answer: when he/she isn't responding with polarity! ;-)

Good question!

One of the things about NLP is that oft-used phrases like 'polarity responder' are generally well installed with reference examples, but are often not clearly specified, defined, qualified. So, while people know what such phrases mean at a general level and can utilise such ideas, the nuances can often be up for debate.

I just checked my preferred sources for a clearly qualified definition of 'polarity response' and there wasn't one.

The NLP encyclopedia defines it as 'a response in the opposite direction of some process or proposal' and is illustrated by the example of, "I want X" with response, "No, you don't want X".

This definition doesn't specify whether 'being automatic' or 'immediate' is a necessary condition of a response being a polarity response. It does show an example of polarity response as: Vi>Ki-, which certainly suggests immediacy. On the other hand, there's nothing in the two words 'polarity' and 'response' which predicates that the response has to be immediate.

This definition also doesn't specify whether responses of the form "Actually, I'd prefer to do Y" also count as polarity responses. I'd say they don't as such responses are clearly in a different direction, but not directly in the opposite direction.

So in the absence of some authoritative definition, here's my take.

If you pitch 'X' for a (reasonable-to-expect) 'towards X' response, and get an 'away from X' response, I'd say that's a polarity response.* (And Vice Versa, by the way.)

If you pitch 'X' for a (reasonable-to-expect) 'towards X' response and get a 'towards Y' response, I'd say that's not a polarity response.

Happy to debate that and be corrected.

* I'd say that, strictly speaking, it's still a polarity response even if it's a considered response, just because of the words and the lack of any temporal qualification in the words. However, the way we use polarity response in NLP means that, pragmatically, we're looking for immediate responses. No?

Anyway, whether or not a single response is a polarity response, I have another question.

Does exhibiting a polarity response make one a polarity responder?

I'd say it would have to be habitual for one to be labelled a polarity responder.

And isn't it time we stopped labelling people as 'being X' because we all know that patterns can shift with state and context? I'm sure we've all referred to people as (for example) 'polarity responders' but, unless said response has genuniely generalised to all states/contexts, aren't we at risk of creating our own blind spots with such generalisations?

Cheers

adrian r wrote:

I made a considered choice which happened to be to go into a different direction than someone had proposed. Is that itself still a polarity response, or would it have to be more automatic to be included in that category?

To my way of thinking, a polarity response is a choice (conscious or otherwise) to do the opposite of what someone wants you to do. Not "I know you want me to paint it green, but I hate green. I really like red, so I'll paint it red" but "You want me to paint it green; therefore, I'll paint it red."

Steve_W wrote:

So in the absence of some authoritative definition, here's my take.

If you pitch 'X' for a (reasonable-to-expect) 'towards X' response, and get an 'away from X' response, I'd say that's a polarity response.* (And Vice Versa, by the way.)

If you pitch 'X' for a (reasonable-to-expect) 'towards X' response and get a 'towards Y' response, I'd say that's not a polarity response.

I like the definition, but will the reasonable-to-expect aspect cause us problems? Who gets to define reasonable?

Can't I just say it's a preference and that I'm not a polarity responder-I simply have a preference. That a person's response to my preference is a polarity response?

Well, first of all I didn't actually intend to offer it as a definition, but rather my interpretation of the best definition I could find. And I'm open for discussion on it.

So, is 'reasonable-to-expect' a valid qualification of what makes a response a polarity one?

Consider this. In that State Of The Art video (the '98 set, not the '87 set) where RB creates an imaginary toothbrush that's been wiped on a bum and cleaned with pee, RB 'chucks' it at an audience member. That person's response is definitely 'away from the toothbrush'.

Is that a polarity response?

'Cos, see, RB offered him an imaginary toothbrush and the guy went, like, "Noooo! Not the toothbrush".

On the other hand, it's the response RB wanted, expected and, perhaps more to the point, was the 'reasonable-to-expect' response.

So, let's open it up.

Is than an example of a polarity response? If it is, I guess 'reasonable-to-expect' has nothing to do with it.

As for defining 'reasonable-to-expect', I guess I'm not really up for chunking that low. Clearly it'd have to be based on some (subjective?) criteria for what would be reasonable-to-expect. Of course, what's deleted is who it's reasonable to expect it from. If you know you're dealing with a 'polarity responder', what's reasonable-to-expect from them is a polarity response! So, let me fill in that deletion. I mean, reasonable-to-expect from the average Joe.

Cheers

Being a polarity responder myself...here is my take. There is definitely a big difference between polarity response and a polarity responder. The definition of polarity response taken from NLP Encyclopedia I think would suffice for this discussion. The definition of a Polarity responder is where there might be lack of clarity.

Being an NLP-er is about realizing that

1. we have numerous choices in our behaviour (Including responses)
2. every behavior is directed at obtaining a well defined outcome

keeping this in mind, I think if your polarity response is out of your conscious choice to get an outcome, you wouldn't fit into the category of polarity responder. On the other hand,

1. If you don't even realize that most or all of your responses are polarity responses (habitual) or
2. If you do realize it but can't help it or
3. If you do realize it but can only help it sometimes but not most of the times

I would fit them under the category of polarity responder.

In Michael Halls "Figuring out People" he describes one of the meta programs "Relationship Sort" as the way in which one compares new data to already stored data. The qualifying scale he has for this meta program are

1. Sorting for Sameness 2. Matching with exceptions 3. Sorting for sameness and differences equally 4. Mismatching with exceptions 5. Sorting for Difference

In my view 4 & 5 can be considered polarity responders. Thanks.

-Bharath

Hi
God question, I often been quoted as a polarity responder, and I do not do it on purpose. I would be very happy to get some more answers on this topic. If I can change that behavior life would be easier in some ways. As RB quotes its god to have when you get bad suggestions :-)

One other thing I do that perhaps fit in to this, when I listen to hypnosis or a coach, when asked to make a picture, I get a feeling. Asked about my feelings I get a picture. After two minutes I am lost in a hypnosis cd because I am at the wrong point and can not follow anymore.

Anyone have any suggestion how to get ride of that response

Be well

Ann,

I think getting "lost" in a hypnosis CD may be the whole point.

But since I've never been trained in hypnosis, I wouldn't know for sure.

Venus

Lianne wrote:

One other thing I do that perhaps fit in to this, when I listen to hypnosis or a coach, when asked to make a picture, I get a feeling. Asked about my feelings I get a picture.

Ann...It would help if you learn to overlap modalities. That is when you make a picture (when your coach asks you about your feelings) try to associate the picture with appropriate sounds and also try to remember the feelings. By practicing this you can get to a point where anytime you make a picture you automatically will make the sounds and generate feelings.

After two minutes I am lost in a hypnosis cd because I am at the wrong point and can not follow anymore.

How do you know you are at a wrong or right point? Don't worry...this is supposed to happen...You will drift off into a trance but your unconscious would be listening. Good Luck!