Hello,

Does anyone know a good technique for reducing someon else's worry without them knowing I'm ''doing NLP'' on them? A friend of mine is in a state of anxiety and worry, and I'd like to give them some techniques to be calmer and to stop the worry.

Its difficult because she's not the kind of person who responds to things like visualisation and submodalities, or understanding the positive intention of worry. Any ideas would be appreciated?

Thanks

Maybe tell some stories of a time when you were really calm and found that you dealt with things better - more clarity, better sleep, better solutions and - eventually the problems just seemed to melt into the distance having learned to be resourceful .... etc etc.

As you are telling, use voice, state and calibration - get agreement... and ask for response attentiveness...... DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?.....

two penneth worth

Nina

Enlightenment Steve wrote:

Its difficult because she's not the kind of person who responds to things like visualisation and submodalities, or understanding the positive intention of worry.

How do you know?

Any ideas would be appreciated?

I agree with Nina that stories might be useful. "Oh, you remind me of this guy I used to know, he worried all the time, made himself nearly sick, couldn't seem to stop himself. I saw him about six months ago, though, and he was completely different. I was amazed. We talked for about a half-hour. Well, actually, he did most of the talking..."

In addition, an old book from Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, suggests asking three questions, in this order:

1. What's the worst thing that could happen?
2. What's the best thing that could happen?
3. What's likely to happen?

virtualAngel wrote:

Maybe tell some stories of a time when you were really calm and found that you dealt with things better - more clarity, better sleep, better solutions and - eventually the problems just seemed to melt into the distance having learned to be resourceful .... etc etc.

As you are telling, use voice, state and calibration - get agreement... and ask for response attentiveness...... DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?.....

two penneth worth

Nina

Thanks Nina, I will try that. I have a little already. When you say callibration, what does that mean in this context?

Michael_DeBusk wrote:

I agree with Nina that stories might be useful. "Oh, you remind me of this guy I used to know, he worried all the time, made himself nearly sick, couldn't seem to stop himself. I saw him about six months ago, though, and he was completely different. I was amazed. We talked for about a half-hour. Well, actually, he did most of the talking..."

In addition, an old book from Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, suggests asking three questions, in this order:

1. What's the worst thing that could happen?
2. What's the best thing that could happen?
3. What's likely to happen?

Thanks. Stories are a good idea and metephors.

I think I know that book. Also the idea of working out what the 'worry' is giving you and then finding alternatives.

Enlightenment Steve wrote:

Thanks Nina, I will try that. I have a little already. When you say callibration, what does that mean in this context?

I mean to notice where you are taking them.. how they are responding to your story and test along the way....... maybe trigger the 'worry' to calibrate the level of worry and all the indicators.. facial expression or voice tone and linguistic predicates on the phone if on the phone ) and then do the story thing... and then say.. so when you think about it now...etc it doesn't seem so bad NOW does it?...always fun to do some negations... eg. It's not that you are worried it;s that you didn't have the solution that wasn't there until you found that the one you that you wern't sure you never thought wouldn't happen until that didn't work until now and the one that works is the best one isn't it?.... then tell them to forget about it.. LOL - or you can ask them.....what were you saying about the problem you 'WERE' worried about?..... testing your work as you go along.

So calibration is about - if you are thinking about doing some covert change work.. you need to have a way of measuring what's working. Also when you are doing the do..... you have calibrated state to know when you are taking them in useful directions..... nice tones of voice, solutions popping out... notice if they start reframing their words to make it seem easier and more possible to solve - once you have them in that loop you can then crank it up and wipe out the bad worry..... test test test )

Also meta-model them elegantly... if you want to learn this Micheal Breen is doing a workshop this coming week i think. www.mblnlp.com This will be the best investment you could make on learning the meta-model.

Glad you like the stories.. hope this helps.

Nina

When telling stories, remember to go yourself where you want them to go.

If you are talking about a time when you felt relaxed then allow your whole body to relax. Just let that felling spread through your body.

As you begin to enjoy the feeling yourself your friend will become more likely to go there too.

Sometimes when I'm worrying overmuch (which I tend to do sometimes) I work math problems or logic puzzles.

I find it requires me to think calmly in a resourceful state and interrupts the "worry dialogue" that tends to go round and round in my head.

Doing this also taught me that whatever I'm worried about is just another problem to be solved (in a resourceful state).

Of course, sometimes I get stuck on a problem and then I can ask someone to tutor me.

Take care,

Venus

Nick is absolutely right.

One of the first things I learned about NLP online is if you want to lead someone somewhere, then "you go first."

Quite simple, really.

Venus

What does going there first involve?