Hi all,

I have a strange question; prehaps something that is not going to be possible as it may defy the possibilites of NLP, however, here's to hoping.

I have been in a relationship with a girl 5 years younger than me for 3 years - I am 25, she is 20 it is at a point in a relationship where I think it is in our best interests to go our own ways, she has her future planned out with me and talks as if we will be togther for ever (she moved in with me 2 years ago....)...and I would like to position the break up in away that she can see taht it is going to be for the best and in someway lessen the pain for her.

here is a run down:
We met when she was 17 and got togehter just before her 18th bday, she was from Sydney (a city in a different state than us) but living in Brisbane with her mum while she studied and was planning on going back to sydney - until we met and she decided to stay here with me, we moved in together, she doesnt like Brisbane and has very few of her own friends here...but plenty of friends in sydney and not to mention family.

I have a successful business and am starting another one now with a view of expanding my first business into a different state in the next 5 months....so I really need to focus on my work and personal development and as much as I do love her, I dont feel I am ready to commit myself to a long term relationship.

So, I've pretty much made the decision that I need to end it and given I have learnt enough about NLP to use in a business sense I was wondering if anyone could give me pointers on how (or if) I could use NLP to help her come to the relisation she would be better off back in sydney without me and that life wont be so bad without me....

its a long shot...but worth a try.

this sucks.

yushi

there is no "NLP technique" for breaking up with someone

there is just you ending it with her. no need to 'Persuade" her no "positioning" it with her(she's not a marketing project or part of a business plan).

she may not want to end it of course.

ultimately she will take care of herself. and you will to.

In contrast to Jim's answer, I would say that yes you can use NLP techniques to break up with someone, and your post already describes how to do that, by framing it as something that is positive to her.

Its not necessarily going to make things a lot easier though. The way you describe it, she is quite attached to you, and as soon as she realizes where you are going with the talk, its going to be hard, even for a seasoned master, to break up without any hurt.

I originally intended to give you more specific advice, on how to use what you know to help minimize the damage, but as I imagine the situation actually playing out, I think your best bet may be to come completely clean. Do it as quickly, honestly, and caringly as you can.

Because if she "catches you" beating around the bush, which is what it will seem like, its only going to make things harder. This is a risk assessment process. Your probability of a clean break with NLP from your current background is low, and the damage done by a failed attempt could be respectable.

If you still want the advice, let me know, and I'll share it, but please consider the responses you've already got before you ask.

yushi wrote:

So, I've pretty much made the decision that I need to end it and given I have learnt enough about NLP to use in a business sense I was wondering if anyone could give me pointers on how (or if) I could use NLP to help her come to the relisation she would be better off back in sydney without me and that life wont be so bad without me....

The approach you want to use, I think, is one modeled from marriage and family therapist Virginia Satir. It's called "leveling".

Tell her the relationship is over, make a clean break, don't dance around the subject or try to be friends. Just tell her directly, without blaming yourself or her for the breakup or trying to placate her.

Anything else, any other "techniques" (spit) you want to use, you'll have to use on yourself to get you to the point where you can level with her properly.

To those who are smart and are proficient about NLP, what about using metaphors about things running their course, coming to a natural conclusion, etc.?

yushi wrote:

So, I've pretty much made the decision that I need to end it and given I have learnt enough about NLP to use in a business sense I was wondering if anyone could give me pointers on how (or if) I could use NLP to help her come to the relisation she would be better off back in sydney without me and that life wont be so bad without me....

How did you decide you know what's best for her ? I agree with most of the points made and especially Michael's approach, don't fanny around, get to the point, be direct and fully congruent and that'll make it as easy as it can be. I have a friend who insists on feeling guilty and dwelling on the pain he's inflicting whenever he ends a relationship (what's that really all about ?) yet they seem to get over him and move on fast enough.

yushi wrote:

where I think

I do love her

, I dont feel

You in deep crap or more than so, do you think? It's true that the babe is the one that plans the relationship without you even getting to knowing about them crazy feelings of yours. But you know you do as you just states, you in love.

It's just a simple arithmetic between Sydney and Brisbane, it's like when she feels cold - just turn on the heater thermostate higher. Problem solve, No more problem. The feelings that you feel is it worth the feelings of yours, not just a matter of give and take? Confused? I guess its just a matter of experiencing all them feelings

Maybe you right, Dear Anne Landers maybe a better recourse than NLP and those mix up thinking getting in the way with nature, or feelings.

Don't break up with her just because you think you suck and even with her, she may be right.

yushi wrote:

I have a successful business and am starting another one now with a view of expanding my first business into a different state in the next 5 months....so I really need to focus on my work and personal development and as much as I do love her, I dont feel I am ready to commit myself to a long term relationship.

While I agree with most of the inputs given by all above, especially Michael's, I would like to clarify something else, yushi. How exactly can a committed relationship with this lady be an obstacle to your professional and personal growth? As I understand your issue, this lady seems to be totally committed to have a long-term relationship with you, which seems to be a good thing to me. The way I see it, unless the individual's actions cause hindrance to your growth, there is just no valid reason you should see her as an obstacle. Well, may be, you could clarify this and I could get a better picture of what you really mean.

Vivek.

The best way to get over a relationship is by mutually talking to each other and making each other understand the need of the time and the best for both is to part away and move on in life. Though it is a bit tough initially to get over a past relationship of years but by keeping yourself busy with things and spending some quality time with your family or friends really helps you to get over it.
http://www.xanax-effects.com