Hey everybody,

I'm new to NLP (skimmed through some books, checked some youtube videos, read some of your posts) and am in need of some help. I was laid off from my job in the early part of the year, due to the falling stock market, and have struggled to find work. In the job searching process, i've struggled to get interviews for positions I desired; interviews I did get were for positions I didnt really want, but werent offered those jobs either. My confidence in my abilities has declined as a result.

So
1) my main objective is build my confidence to get my career on track. I've looked into anchoring, but its been difficult to try to remember a moment where I was confident in my job, or really anything. I know these moments exist, but I find it difficult to get into a confident state of mind. I've read a bit about implementing NLP in cover letters, can someone expand on that? The industry I work in is a bit more formal, so I'd have to be tactful about adding sensory language.

2) My sleeping schedule has been disrupted as I often wake up without a schedule. I no longer have anywhere specific to be in the morning, and I love to sleep. But I do not love sleeping 10+ hours and waking up in the PM.

3) I've also been procrastinating a lot. Errands, laundry etc. I would hope with my free time I would be able to do these tasks, but I find myself stuck in bed, or on the computer.

I know its been mentioned that I should go to a live NLP seminar, and its something I would like to do, but cash flow is an issue. I'm also not sure which NLP person to trust, but I guess thats a silly point since I'll be reading posts from anonymous people on the internet for my personal growth.

I've got a laundry list of other issues, but I think this is a start.

Thanks for your time, and i must say this is the friendliest discussion board I have ever seen.

Hi G,

There's clearly a lot we don't know and I do recommend seeing a 'live' coach for best effect.

Nevertheless, you come seeking tips and let's see what we have.

RE: the anchoring. If you know those moments exist, that means you can find some, and if you can find some, you can find a specific one. (It's a specific one you need.) Play the movie of that event again, with you seeing what you saw then, hearing what you heard and feeling how you felt. The more vivid the movie is, the more the feeling will grow. (Note: if you saw yourself in the picture, like you were watching someone's camcorder footage of the event, float into yourself and make sure you're experiencing it again now as if it's happening now.) Turn up the brightness, the colour, the sound, etc. Notice where the feeling is in your body and let it radiate through you.

Apart from the anchoring, what I'm picking up is you probably built a generalisation (you might say it's a belief) out of those experiences you had - one that was undermining your confidence. It's not functional and it's a lie anyway. Your capability hasn't changed. You can still do everything you could. If anything, you've learned new things. Here's a tip. When you think back to those recent interviews, float out of them and watch them as if they were b&w camcorder footage. That way, you can learn information from them without having strong feelings from them. (There may be useful feedback.) If you negatively debate the condition with yourself, play with the voice. Make it Mickey Mouse or something. You need to realise how silly it is and have a good old laugh at it. Laughter is great for freedom. (Silly voices are always funny.) I recommend then you list all the proof of your capablity and remind yourself of it. Float 'into' those movies. Fully experience all the evidence that supports the generalisation that upholds your confidence.

Having built a new, more functional generalisation about yourself (or maybe, while you're doing so), I suggest the next two steps is to (1) clarify what kind of job you're moving towards, so you can get focussed about it; and (2) learn some additional skills about how to use your voice, body and communication in interviews. Your NLP books will help with both those things.

You may have a laundry list of issues but that doesn't mean you need a laundry list of solutions. Something like that generalisation was holding it all together and that's where the change is.

I hope there's something useful for you in there. And I'm sure others will add more.

Oh - about the covering letter. Even the most formal business settings use see-hear-feel language. The idea stinks. That's a bright idea. It feels right to do this. I feel you haven't been doing the right things till now. There's a bright future if we change. And so on. And there's the embedded commands (I think 'command' is a bit of a strong word for it, myself) like, "If you feel my wealth of experience can help you...".

One caution though - people can really go to town on this stuff and blow it. A cover letter should never read like a 'look into my eyes' thing. My advice is to stick close to your natural, professional language. Just tweak it somewhat to be a bit more 'at design' about what you elicit and what you presuppose than you used to be.

Cheers

Thanks a lot for your post Steve. I actually had a job opportunity to apply for today and already I was feeling more confident.

I'm still having trouble identifying confident memories for anchoring. Can I use any confident moment or work related ones? And if I do get a confident picture, its very hazy and short lived, I am having trouble making clear and persistent.

As well, does anyone have any thoughts on how to get to sleep easier, and wake up earlier? I am a deep sleeper.

Thanks again.

Something tells me that although you were procrastinating about doing your laundry, you were probably still thinking of doing it when you wrote your entry (laundry list of issues).

One thing you might want to consider is first and foremost, stay as far away as possible from newspapers and TV news, with everyone and his dog going on about the credit crunch & unemployment, stay ahead of the game by not watching it.

Continue to educate & research about NLP if it sparks your interest, watch things like comedy to increase your chances of laughing and smiling (increases serotonin - happy chemicals).

When you were in work you had structure and a specific time to wake up and get ready- keep the structure, when you have no specific reason to get up it can feel like rock solid chains clamping your body to the bed, but the sooner you get up and get moving the sooner you can be productive.

With regard the anchoring, it doesnt have to be when you were confident at work, when you were confident in any time in your life and dont just be confined to confidence, whenever you felt good, that feeling when you looked forward to something...if that dont work (im sure it will) make it up let you mind go wild.

hope it helps

Hi G.

Write a single A4 page application for a job, detailing your skills and experience. Explain 'why' they should employ you instead of someone else. Include any previous sporting achievements and, if it applies, describe your strong marriage / relationship, etc.

Then, read through your 'plus-points' and re-write the page, 'selling yourself' a bit more but always keeping it factual.

If, after the second draft, you are feeling a lot more confident, you have succeeded in your main objective, according to your original posting.

One other thing, don't waste your time applying for jobs that you don't want. It is counter-productive and only fuels negativity. You are done with that now. This is the time for positive action.

If you are going to spend time on your computer, make it worthwhile.
Surround yourself with people who are going places. If you want a little inspiration, take a look at 'The Secret' website and watch the introduction trailer, which is free.

Oh, and BTW, well done. You've already started to make that positive change by being here and posting your message.

John

What job do you want?

In the meantime, your job can be project management.. the project of 'Recreating your reality' is your first project..

But what do you want your life to be like? this opportunity to recreate your reality is a great one..

What job do you want?

So you have confidence in the idea that you have low confidence?

And you have confidence in the idea that the lack of desirable job opportunities is due to low confidence?

Perhaps you have not lost confidence, but gained some fear and doubt, which is obscuring your natural confidence.

You have confidence that your body will continue breathing, and you heart will continue beating while you read this.
You have confidence that you will wake after every sleep.
You have confidence that every step you take will be successful when you walk.
You have confidence that you are capable of opening doors and windows, you have confidence in your ability to form words, utter sentences and in your ability to extract and convey meaning in communication.

All of this you do without doubt, without fear, without question, without hesitation, because you have confidence. You might say that you are able to do these things because they are easy, natural, that it takes little effort. Activities always feel that way when you have confidence.

Perhaps you do not notice how confident you are navigating yourself through life, because you take this confidence for granted. Perhaps you only notice the relative quality of your confidence when there is interference from doubt and fear.

Imagine, for a moment, the way you walk. Pretend you are walking down a sidewalk, naturally, easily, your thoughts elsewhere, when you notice that people are watching you. Then you hear them discussing the way you walk, how long your stride is, the motion of your hips and buttocks, your posture, the way you swing your arms, the rhythm of your pace, and directness of your path. The further you walk down the sidewalk, the more people there are analyzing your walk, and the more self-conscious you feel, the more likely you are to alter your pace, breathing, rhythm, to become self-conscious of every aspect of your walking.

There was nothing wrong with the way you walked until you became self-conscious and opened yourself to the idea that there might be a particular way that you should walk. When you allow fear and doubt to enter into a natural, mostly unconscious process like walking, it becomes awkward and strange.

In this situation, the only cure for awkward walking is to think about something else, remember that the purpose of your walking is not the walk itself, but where you were taking yourself. When you remember where you are going and why, and think about that, your walk returns to its natural pace.

You are confident that your thoughts are your own.
You are confident that your feelings are your own.
Confidence is your natural state.

Confidence only changes when you question it. When you check to see if you have it, attempt to determine if you have 'enough,' or wonder if you can 'fake it' effectively, you alter the natural, unquestioning confidence that lives at the base of every thought, feeling, action and decision you have ever created.

Being enthusiastic, pumped up, charged or determined, these feelings may be added to confidence, but simply put, when you are confident you lack doubt.

Why have you allowed the state of the economy and the current job market to change your ideas about your abilities? Your abilities are the same as they have always been, but recently you have been seeing those same abilities through doubt.

You might want to remove the anchors you were creating between fear/doubt and job seeking, however, there is no need to anchor confidence any more than you would anchor breathing, thinking or feeling. Confidence is all you have ever thought, felt and acted with, your natural confidence has always carried you, is carrying you now, and will always carry you through.

Change the ideas in which you place your confidence.
Withdraw the confidence you have placed in your doubts.

(Your sleeping schedule and chores will fall into place when you are walking naturally again. Fear and doubt are energy suckers, stop feeding them.)

*I have no credentials but existence, thought, and lots and lots of reading--so if you take my advice, add salt to taste.

gcck wrote:

I'm still having trouble identifying confident memories for anchoring. Can I use any confident moment or work related ones? And if I do get a confident picture, its very hazy and short lived, I am having trouble making clear and persistent.

Make your specific confident moment a movie in your head, with the event happening all around you, seeing through your own eyes. It can be any confident moment; your mind will happily generalize it out to other contexts.

Now use that control panel in your mind - yep, that one right there with the knobs and sliders and dials and stuff - and turn up the qualities of the picture, noticing as you do so how each affects how much more confident you feel now. Turn up the brightness, the color, the contrast, the sharpness of the focus. Sweeten the sound. Feel how that makes you feel. Do it some more. Allow the movie to become bigger, easier to see and hear, and run longer. When it feel so good you just about can't stand it, do it some more. That's the feeling you're going to want to anchor. That and the smile and the laugh that come up when it gets really good.

A bit of hypnosis wouldn't go amiss for sleeping. I often recommend this free MP3 from Joseph Kao - Free hypnosis mp3 - London hypnotherapist - Joseph Kao - Use stereo earphones and drift away. As to getting up, I think I might preface each hypnotic session with a suggestion to myself that I was going to sleep well and wake up at the time I wanted (or needed) to, hear the alarm, etc. and instantly feel good for no reason at all. Try it and see what happens.